


That's The Way Love Goes

by Sassy_Lil_Scorpio



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: (other characters briefly mentioned) - Freeform, 10x100, 50LoveQuotes, Andrea and Shane are each other's yin and yang, Andrea and Shane are meant to be, Andrea gets frustrated with Shane, Andrea loves Shane, Andrea sees and appreciates Shane, Angst, Dale is protective of Andrea and doesn't trust Shane, Double Drabble, Drabble, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, Hope, Jealousy, Laughter, LiveJournal Prompt, Love, One-Shot, Romantic Fluff, Shane blocks out Andrea, Shane buries his true feelings, Shane has to let go of Lori, Shane isolates himself, Shane loves Andrea more than she knows, Shane's fear of love after Lori, Slice of Life, Vignette, faith - Freeform, first two TWD seasons, love can be a tangled mess, love isn't always a straight line, some stories set during and after "Ride or Die", the small moments count
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 32,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23869720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Lil_Scorpio/pseuds/Sassy_Lil_Scorpio
Summary: He's hotheaded and never sugarcoats anything. She's persistent and determined to find her place. A collection of vignettes, one-shots, ficlets, and drabbles, showcasing the relationship between Shane and Andrea. Most writings are set in the first two TWD seasons and from the events during and after "Ride or Die". {LiveJournal writing community 50LoveQuotes.} {Shandrea}
Relationships: Andrea Harrison/Shane Walsh
Comments: 112
Kudos: 6





	1. That Mischievous Smile

**Author's Note:**

  * For [digitaltempest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/digitaltempest/gifts).



> Rating: T
> 
> Disclaimer: Shane Walsh, Andrea Harrison, and all other TWD characters in this fanfiction belong to Robert Kirkman. This author claims no ownership. No monetary gain is being made from this work.
> 
> Author's Notes: 50LoveQuotes is a LiveJournal writing community that challenges the writer to write about the given prompt: a love quote. It can be written in the dialogue or be the underlying theme of the fic. Being that Shane and Andrea are my favorite TWD ship and because they are so underrepresented in the fandom, they are the pairing explored for this writing challenge. (Several stories in this collection take place in the “Ride or Die” universe. It is helpful, but not necessary to have read “Ride or Die” to fully understand and appreciate them.) The title of this fanfic is based on Janet Jackson's song "That's The Way Love Goes".
> 
> Dedication: For Tiara and Corey, for being so supportive of my writing. For Laurie Holden and Jon Bernthal for doing such a fantastic job portraying Andrea Harrison and Shane Walsh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea’s first impressions of Shane (and his smile).

_Love Quote #1 -_ _"_ _I would go anywhere to get to you, so why is it that all you have to do is smile to get to me?"_

  
**That Mischievous Smile**

Andrea Harrison was a proud woman.

Contrary to what many believed about her, she didn't fawn over men easily. Before the outbreak, she was content living the single life. She dined by herself and traveled around the world on her own. Her career as a civil rights attorney had taken off and she was making good money. She was saving up for a condominium when the dead became the undead. After the outbreak, the world grew darker as the dead consumed the living and civilization went extinct.

She had picked up Amy just in time and they had met Dale on the road when they were searching for their parents. It was just the three of them until they ran into Shane, Lori, and Carl, who had been camping out with Ed, Carol, and Sophia. Glenn and T-Dog joined them—they meant to stay for only one night and ended up staying for good. Jim and Jacqui came back with Glenn after he found them hiding in an abandoned grocery store while on a supply run. The Dixon brothers stumbled into their camp one evening while out hunting. Morales' family had offered to share their supplies and they became part of the group.

Then one day Glenn brought back an unexpected visitor to the camp during the supply run and the entire dynamics of the group changed forever. Andrea was astounded to find out Rick Grimes was Lori's husband and Carl's father—and she was also surprised to find out he was Shane's best friend. She didn't think much of it at the time. She was just grateful to return alive to see Amy and the group again.

Being with the makeshift family they had formed helped her to stay afloat. She enjoyed spending time with the other women and had once joked with Jacqui and Carol that she missed her vibrator. That same day was the first time she truly noticed Shane. Before that, he had been the unofficial leader of the group. She got along him with just fine, but they had only spoke to each other sparingly. This time he made his presence known after beating the hell out of Ed. Andrea reasoned that Ed deserved what he got after constantly heaping abuse on Carol and yelling at Sophia. He had tried demeaning her too, but Andrea wasn't afraid to stand up to him.

Back then, Andrea's only fear was of losing Amy. So it didn't matter that Ed got in her face and called her a "college-educated cooze". Ed was all mouth and she had no problem telling him off, but Shane used his fists to make a point. After bloodying up Ed's face, Andrea had watched him get up like nothing had happened. She was shocked that he'd beaten up the man as though this was an everyday occurrence. Maybe it was for him, since she later learned that he and Rick had been partners as deputy sheriffs. Back then, Shane scowled at her as he stalked off.

She didn't think much of Shane back then, although she was glad he put Ed in line. After losing Amy, she didn't think of much of anyone in the group. Amy's death happened when the camp was attacked during a moment when the group let their guard down, so Andrea decided it was best to keep her guard up. She didn't want to get close to anyone after that and Dale wanted her to live for him, but not for herself. Andrea was tired of losses and losing, so she hid behind a rocky exterior. The depression she suffered from losing her sister was wearing her down every day. She isolated herself from everyone and wanted to keep it that way until Shane planted himself across from her in Dale's RV and offered to show her how to clean her gun.

Andrea listened as he talked, at first not fully interested, but the more he showed her, the more she found herself emerging from her cocoon of pain. It was the first real conversation she had with anyone since her suicide attempt at the CDC. The CDC was on the verge of exploding and she wanted to stay in the building with Dr. Jenner and Jacqui as it went up in flames. Dale was the only one who knew she had tried to end her life. If Shane knew, he didn't mention it. He simply disassembled her gun and flashed a smug smile in her direction as though proud to share his wealth of knowledge with her.

Later that same day, she overheard the conversation between Lori and Shane at the church. She wanted to keep shutting out everyone, but it made her feel less lonely to know that Shane wanted to venture out by himself. The same thought had crossed her mind after the CDC. They could go at it alone…just leave the group forever and do their own thing… He brushed her off when she had first suggested they leave the group together. She was disappointed by his initial rejection, but there was something about Shane's self-assured smile that made her feel alive. It revealed an unbreakable self-confidence in himself.

As time went on, she observed that Shane never wavered or waved the white flag, even when he was the only one speaking his mind against Rick or the rest of the group. Maybe, Andrea reasoned, that's why she was drawn to Shane. The group was put off by his aggressive manner. Shane had good ideas and made the right choices, but as she told him bluntly: his presentation needed work. His bullheaded nature had almost turned her away in the cemetery, but she was determined to connect with him, because out of everyone in the group, he was the most real to her. That's what she needed: realness. Authenticity. The group was not vacationing in Disney World—they were fighting to survive every day and Shane was the only one who saw things for what they were.

Even if they were on the same page in how they viewed their new hellish world, Shane still put distance between them. He wasn't going to "hold hands and sail off into the sunset" with her and she agreed that they weren't going steady. But she wanted to leave the group and so did he—and so they did. One day, under the guise of going on a supply run, they left Hershel's farm and never returned.

It was the best decision they made for themselves. Life was uncertain, but at least they had each other. Andrea was open and Shane was closed. It didn't matter. She would follow him to get to him, to bulldoze through his fortress walls. He didn't have to do much…just let her make her own choices without guilt-tripping her, work on his presentation, and most of all, flash that mischievous smile when she least expected it.


	2. Kisses Are Like Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane enjoys kissing Andrea because it’s real.

_Love Quote #2 - "Kisses are like tears. The only ones that are real are the ones you can't hold back.”_

**Kisses Are Like Tears**

Shane loved kissing Lori in their tent, his body pressing against hers when they made love. Back then, he thought their love was real because of all they had been through together: losing Rick, escaping King County together with Carl, and trying to grapple with how the world suddenly collapsed. When Rick returned, he had to restrain himself from pursuing her further. He still lusted for her and wanted back what he used to have with her before Rick returned—which resulted in the awful CDC incident. He had never forced sex on any woman before and the fact that he came so close to doing so filled him with self-loathing. Drunk or not, he knew he was completely wrong. Shane was always regretful of that night, although he didn’t articulate it to Lori. 

From there, he was alone. He convinced himself that no one could ever take Lori’s place in his heart…until he started talking to Andrea. 

Andrea was different. She had a calming presence about her, probably because she had been keeping more to herself after her sister’s death. Shane enjoyed talking to her and giving her shooting lessons. He found her attractive and would steal glances at her when she wasn’t looking. She was the only one who listened to him about what it was like to make difficult life-or-death choices. Because Shane was physical, it was only a matter of time before him and Andrea went in that direction. Nothing compared to kissing Andrea though. Not even Lori.

The first time they kissed was by accident. Shane had been walking behind her after he had gave her another shooting lesson on Hershel’s farm. Andrea had turned around to ask him something and bumped into his chest. It was Andrea who tilted and reached up for his face, pressing her lips against his. What started out as an awkward kiss, slowly morphed into a passion-filled moment—it was spontaneous and exciting. Shane thought that made it even better.

Her soft lips tasted like strawberries. He often fantasied about her lips, although he didn’t openly tell her how much he enjoyed kissing her that day. What he liked most was how kissing her felt real. There was nothing artificial about it. He didn’t have to hold back and he didn’t have to worry about her pretending that the love they shared was a figment of his imagination or wishful thinking on his part—or even worse: that it was a temporary fix until someone else returned in her life. Whenever Andrea kissed him, he felt secure knowing he was the man she truly loved and wanted to be with. He wasn’t a stand-in or replacement.

He was Shane—and only Shane.


	3. His Existence is the Reason She Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea finds strength to live again because of Shane.

_Love Quote #3 - “It's funny how someone can live each and every day without knowing that their existence is the reason you live.”_

**His Existence is the Reason She Lives**

After burying Amy, Andrea had no reason to live. What was the point of living a horrible day-to-day existence when you had to constantly be afraid of being torn apart by drooling freaks? She wanted control over her own death, which she had tried explaining to Dale. That way she would know when and how she died. It would be swift and painless and not torturous like having her entrails yanked out or being eaten alive. She didn’t want to live for Dale—she didn’t even want to live for herself. That all changed after Shane trained her how to use a gun.

Before that time, she was always a victim, running scared and screaming at the mere sight of walkers. After Shane trained her (even if his teaching was more like badgering/bullying), Andrea found her reason to live again. Instead of snapping at everyone and isolating herself, she participated and helped the group. Rather than run off, she faced her fear when she shot walkers straight in the head. Her only regret was that she learned a little too late. If only she had known back then how to use the gun her father gave her, then she would’ve shot the walker that attacked Amy.

Shane had no idea the impact his life had on her life. Sometimes it seemed like Andrea was the only one who appreciated him. He and Rick were constantly at odds. Dale saw him as someone who wanted Rick and Hershel gone. Lori treated him like a used dishrag that she wanted to be rid of. Hershel wanted him to keep his mouth shut. T-Dog and Glenn got along with Shane, but that wasn’t saying much, since they stayed out of his way. Daryl didn’t get along with him at all. Carol was neutral, which Andrea thought was stupid, especially since Shane beat up Ed after he slapped her. If not for Shane, Ed would’ve continued beating up on Carol. That’s how Andrea viewed it, but she never said anything. Maggie hated him, but Andrea thought she was delusional for covering up what was the truth: that Hershel knew the whole time Sophia was locked in the barn. Carl was the only one who seemed to truly bond with Shane. Beth and Jimmy didn’t interact with him. 

For better or for worse, Shane was Shane. It didn’t matter to her that everyone else thought badly of him. That was their loss. In her eyes, he was the true leader of the group and she never told him he was the reason she was motivated to keep fighting. Shane being Shane—his poor interpersonal skills, his staunch stance about doing whatever it takes to live another day, his belief that survival meant making difficult decisions—was the reason Andrea was still alive.


	4. A Little Jealousy (Goes a Long Way)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea confides in Philip about her fights with Shane.

_Love Quote #4 -_ _"_ _A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy. It's nice to know that someone is afraid to lose you."_

**A Little Jealousy (Goes a Long Way)**

Andrea sat on the couch and waited for Philip to return with their drinks. It was the second time he had taken her to watch the fights and then brought her back to his place. Before the outbreak, if a man took her back to his place, the unsaid expectation was that they were going to have sex. Philip was charming and attractive, but she was content to have a platonic friendship with him—a friendship that was free from all the conflict that was present in her friendship with Shane.

_Shane._

Right now, she didn't want to return to their apartment. All they did was fight and every passing argument was more heated than the last. She found Shane's hatred and mistrust of Philip to be unwarranted. Philip had been kind and welcoming to her and Shane, although they were strangers in Woodbury. They had been out there for months, wandering around, driving everywhere with no end in sight—although Shane claimed the end goal was to reach Maryland. They found Woodbury by accident, and so far, Andrea liked the idea of staying there permanently. It was safe and had everything they needed to survive in this new world. Philip only required that Shane not carry around his guns out in plain sight. It was a reasonable request in Andrea's mind, but it made Shane suspicious of Woodbury's leader.

"You're quieter than usual. What's on your mind?" Philip asked her. He set down two drinks on the coffee table. "Some of the best whiskey in town."

Andrea smiled, but her happy expression quickly faded. She picked up the glass, studying the amber-colored drink.

"You've been quiet all night," he observed again.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"You can't fool me, Andrea, I know you too well."

Andrea blinked. "You think so?" She tried to laugh so that she could pass off her discomfort, but it came out forced.

Philip nodded. "More than you realize. You're thinking of him again, aren't you? Your friend, Shane."

"I am, although I don't want to—I don't mean to."

How awkward was it that Philip knew she was thinking of another man during their evening together? More so, what was Shane doing when she was with Philip? Andrea's heart tugged at her. She felt concerned about Shane, but she didn't want to think of him. Their last argument had been their worst. She had told him to keep his mouth shut and made it clear that she wasn't his girlfriend, woman, or wife. He had no right to tell her what to do or who she could or couldn't see. She didn't need Shane's permission to do what she wanted. Still, Shane's jealousy was starting to get to her.

"He's jealous, isn't he?"

Philip stated the obvious. What she wanted to remain unknown became known when she was around him. She couldn't hide anything from Philip even if she wanted to. In fact, Andrea found it easier to share with Philip about her troubled friendship with Shane. He put into words what she was feeling when she felt stuck on how to express herself.

"It feels like he's controlling my every move."

She glanced at Philip. His expression was calm and showed no judgement.

"A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy," Philip said. "But a lot—"

"We're not in a relationship," Andrea clarified. "We're friends, partners—whatever the hell that means."

"He's afraid of losing you. That's what it comes down to."

"You think so?"

"I know so." Philip sounded certain. "What else could it be?"

Andrea blinked. Maybe Shane needed that wake-up call—that he might lose her if he kept up his ridiculous antics.

"He made me feel guilty for befriending you which is wrong. If anyone should feel guilty, it's him."

"Why's that?"

Andrea had picked up her glass of whiskey and set it back down again. She didn't want to get tipsy or buzzed from the drink. She needed to be fully alert for this conversation, since Shane was a sensitive topic for her.

"Because he's still carrying a flame for his best friend's wife—" Andrea halted when she saw the puzzled expression on Philip's face. "It's complicated, but he got involved with his best friend's wife, made her pregnant…" She shrugged, not wanting to continue.

"Is that the only thing that bothers you about Shane?"

A weird laugh erupted from her. "No, of course not! With Shane, there's always more."

Philip sat back and listened. "I'm all ears."

"He only cares about what's between my legs." Andrea's voice dropped and her eyes remained glued to the floor. Admitting aloud that Shane showed more attention to her when they engaged in sex was painful. It made her regret making herself vulnerable because it couldn't be undone, and it had led her to falsely believing they could have a meaningful connection. "He doesn't want a real relationship with me. I've known this for some time, but…" She stopped as she knew she was crossing a line. She had never meant to reveal this much, but now the floodgates were open. Glancing at Philip, Andrea saw he was waiting for her to continue. A thoughtful expression was on his face and she interpreted it as him being genuinely concerned. _Might as well finish…_ "Sometimes it feels like I'm his property and not his friend…"

There was a strange silence between them. Andrea wondered what Philip was thinking. She was frustrated with Shane and didn't want to go back to him—not tonight, and she was starting to think, not ever. She hadn't been joking when she told Shane earlier that she was done with him. He was afraid of losing her, but that was his own fault. Even though she knew Shane's demons stemmed from his unresolved issues with Lori, she decided it was time to put herself first. If he lost her, it wasn't her fault or her problem—but it was a win for Philip. As Philip had told her during their first night together: _his loss is my gain, Andrea._

Andrea was starting to like the idea of being with Philip even if it was just as friends. At least he treated her with respect—something Shane knew nothing about. The silence ended prematurely when Philip got up from the couch and sat closer to Andrea. He said only three words and in that moment, she knew he thought more of her than Shane did.

"You deserve better."

He gently turned her face so that she was looking straight at him. Without the slightest hesitation, Philip wrapped his arms around Andrea and pulled her in close. She didn't realize what was happening until she felt his lips pressing on hers and she knew she didn't want him to stop or for this night to end.


	5. Somone Who Will Stay Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane helps Andrea fall asleep in their new home.

_Love Quote #5 - "Find someone who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.”_

**Someone Who Will Stay Awake**

Andrea turned over in the bed. 

She usually slept on her side and sometimes she’d curl herself into a fetal position. For some reason, she couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe it was from being in the new bed. During the past several days, she and Shane had cleared out many units in the high-rise they had found in Maryland—“The Anchorage Tower”. They were still on the first floor and spent the night in a new room every other day. The plan was to eventually make it to the top floor which would take weeks, maybe months, depending on how fast or slow they worked. (It also depended on if the units were occupied by the living or the dead.) The constant changing made it difficult for her to sleep at times—like now. 

Andrea’s eyes fluttered as she slowly woke up. She glanced around the room and saw bags of clothes and other supplies that she and Shane had collected—mainly food and guns/ammo. As she stretched, she was startled to feel the mattress under her: it was firm and solid—not like the soft memory foam from the room they were previously in over the weekend. That bed was comfortable. She could lie on it, close her eyes, and wouldn’t wake up for hours. This new bed was awful and she really wanted to sleep. Andrea rose up and was shocked to find Shane sitting against the headboard, wide awake and watching her.

“Why aren’t you sleeping, Shane?”

“’Cause I’m watchin’ you sleep—or more like, you tryin’ to sleep, but it ain’t happenin’.” He grinned. “What’s keepin’ you from gettin’ shut eye?”

Andrea shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Somethin’ on your mind?”

“Yeah, you.” She playfully shoved him.

“It better be sexy stuff!”

She sighed. “I don’t know what it is, but this mattress isn’t helping.”

Shane nodded. “It’s hard as a rock. Nothin’ like the memory foam one.”

Andrea was shocked that he agreed. “I’m really tired, but sleep won’t come.”

“Did you try countin’ sheep?”

Now she sent him an exasperated look. “No, Shane. I didn’t.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t believe in that silly bullshit either.” 

“Got any ideas of how I can get a good night’s sleep?”

Shane looked around the bedroom to see if there was anything that he could change around to make her more comfortable. Then it came to him: “C’mere.” 

She scooted over to his side of the bed. He opened his arms wide, inviting her to be embraced by him. Andrea let herself relax in his muscular arms. She always felt safe when he held her. Shane began kneading her shoulders. He continued down to her arms and started on her back.

“Close your eyes, darlin’. I’m gonna massage you.”

Andrea did as he said and in no time, she was fast asleep. He didn’t budge as the slightest movement would wake her up. Shane stayed wake for the rest of the night, watching Andrea sleep, to ensure she would get the rest she needed.

  
  



	6. A Home in Maryland Just for Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Andrea work together to make an escape route in case they have to leave their new home.

_Love Quote #6 - “A dream is just a dream until you make it come true.”_

**A Home in Maryland Just for Them  
**

“You ready?” Shane called out. 

He gazed at the sight in front of him: the water on the marina sparkled as the sun shone down upon it. Boats and yachts bobbed in the harbor—or what was left of them. Some were overturned and submerged in water. A handful of boats and yachts were still in the harbor—they gave him a semblance of hope. The sky was clear blue without a cloud in sight. It was the perfect day to begin making creating safety and escape measures for their new waterfront home—the Anchorage Tower. Shane looked over the edge of the balcony and saw Andrea waiting patiently on the balcony below on the second floor. 

“Ready when you are, Shane.” 

Andrea stepped out with her arms outstretched and hands open as Shane lowered the bedsheet rope from the balcony above. It looked like what you would see in movies when an inmate escapes from jail with a rope made from bedsheets knotted and tied together. The only problem with this bedsheet rope was that it was too short. The end of the bedsheet rope stopped several feet above her head and out of her reach.

“You gotta tie three more sheets,” Andrea called out to Shane. “It only got halfway down.”

“You ain’t touch it?”

“Nope.” Andrea shook her head and watched as the bedsheet rope disappeared from view when Shane pulled it back up. “It needs at least three more sheets tied to it.”

“Got it. You comin’ up?”

“Yeah.”

Shane went back inside the unit and untied the bedsheet rope from the dresser he had wrapped it around. He dropped the bedsheet rope on the floor in a coil and went back in the bedroom to search for more sheets in the linen closet. Upon opening it, he found five more bedsheets—more than enough and he could use the extra supplies for a new bedsheet rope. Then he thought again—was it necessary to make more than one bedsheet rope? _Should make at least two or three each for myself an’ Drea. Place them in different units._ Shane figured they would find more bedsheets in other units, so he kept that on his mental list of supplies to scavenge for.

The good thing about being in the high-rise were the supplies at their disposal. There was ample amount of clothes, food, first-aid, blankets, and sheets. They had even found four handguns that were stashed away, ammo, and a collection of edged weapons. Although Shane and Andrea had successfully cleared the first three floors (thanks to the riot gear they had found in the Baltimore police department two miles away), they still needed an escape plan in case they chose to live on a higher floor—which is what they were working on right now. Just then, Andrea walked in.

“When you tie three more sheets to it, I think that will be enough,” she said as she locked the door.

Shane was making square knots with the new bedsheets he had found. He didn’t look up when she sat across from him on the living room floor as he was focused on tying the knots. “Did you check out the units across the hall? We can get more bedsheets there to make another rope.”

Andrea looked puzzled. “How long do you want this to be?”

“As long as we can get down to safety if we ever need to escape. May need to make more than one an’ put them in different units to cover ourselves.”

She nodded, understanding. “That depends on which floor we decide to stay on.”

“Right.” Shane agreed. “Thinkin’ we should settle aroun’ the middle area—the seventh or eighth floor.”

Initially, their plan was to clear the high-rise from the first floor all the way to the penthouse. It was taking a long time as some units still had walkers shuffling around. Those walkers were put down promptly. As for living threats—both Shane and Andrea counted themselves lucky that they hadn’t run into any since finding the Anchorage. It didn’t mean they would never encounter scavengers. It was a risk they were aware of and so they continued to stock up on weapons. 

Being that they had taken on such a huge endeavor, Shane and Andrea knew they had to tackle it in a manner that worked, while ensuring their safety. They had devised a system that was time consuming, but it kept them alive: dress in riot gear and clear out the units on each floor. From there, they could drag out the corpses and burn them. After clearing out a floor, then they could focus on scavenging for supplies and store them in various units. They had only reached the third floor after clearing out the lobby, the exercise and community rooms, and the garage. All those areas took several days to clear. In time, Shane wanted to check out the boats in the marina after Andrea suggested that they find one that still worked. They could store supplies on it, in case they needed to get away or “sail out into the sunset” Andrea had jokingly reminded him. 

“You think we’ll fortify the condo at some point?” Andrea asked as she laid out the bedsheets Shane had found.

“Uh-huh, it’s gonna take time though.” Shane tightened the square knot. “I got some ideas, but you go first.”

Andrea rolled one of the sheets. “We can surround the building with cars. Have knife-spikes sticking out of the windows so walkers get caught on them.”

Shane nodded. “No bad, Drea. Would you wanna use the walkers as a deterrent—like how they did at The Sanctuary?”

She tilted her head in thought. “Not sure about being reminded of Negan, but if it deters threats, then it could work. Then again, if they know how to put them down...” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged, uncertain about the idea. 

“We’ll figure it out, darlin’.” Shane looked up and glanced at the window. The sun was slowly heading to the middle of the sky and would set in a few hours. “Why don’t we spend the night here an’ start on the fourth floor tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll secure the doors.”

Andrea stood up, taking the cable wires she had found earlier and made a clove hitch knot on the door to ensure their safety. Shane smiled as he watched her secure the knot. Andrea was a fast learner. She had learned how to be a sharpshooter (Shane believed she always had it in her) and now she was an expert at tying knots. It was comforting to know they could work together in making their new home in the high-rise. The condominium boasted of having fourteen floors and ninety-four units and they were on their way to turning it into their safe haven. Traveling to Maryland had been a far off dream at one time. Now, as Andrea returned and began making another bedsheet rope, Shane was glad that their dream was becoming an amazing reality.


	7. You Are Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane learns that Andrea is the woman he never knew he wanted.

_Love Quote #7 - “You are everything I never knew I always wanted.”_

**You** **Are Everything**

Shane watched as Andrea aimed “Sweet Piece” at the three walkers that staggered in their direction. They had just left the coffee shop they had stayed in overnight, so they could go back on the road again and continue up north to Maryland. Shane was ready to drive off, but he took the time to admire Andrea’s marksmanship. She truly was a sharpshooter. She always hit her targets in the exact spot—dead between the eyes or right in the temple. She never missed and the sight of walkers collapsing right after she hit them was truly enjoyable to witness.

Perhaps that’s why he found himself falling for her. Shane wasn’t ready to let Andrea know his truth, but she was everything he never knew he wanted: an equal, a friend and a partner, a fighter, someone who would challenge him, while still having his back. Until Andrea came into his life, Shane always thought he knew what he wanted—and he quickly realized how untrue that was.

Before Lori, he wanted a different woman in his bed every night so that he could compare their bodies and how much (or how little) they satisfied him. During Lori—Lori was everything—sex, relationship, stability...and love. Or so he thought. After Lori, he was finding out that there was more important aspects of love. To get there though, he had to learn what love wasn’t. Love wasn’t about the woman who depended on him for her day-to-day survival in a fallen world, but never gave back to him—and who would then turn around and blame him for their relationship, deny she ever felt anything for him…

There was more to love than Lori…there was Andrea.

Andrea offered him friendship and reciprocity. _Put a gun in my hand, I’ll cover your ass too_. She yearned for independence, but was also willing to work together with him: interdependence. She was a woman who was willing to learn to defend herself and those around her. When given instruction and guidance, she ran with it. Shane gave everyone shooting lessons on the farm, but Andrea’s skills were impressive from the start. She even offered to back him up out there. She wasn’t afraid to confront him or tell him the truth about himself. Andrea was honest when he needed it most and also a friend when everyone else turned away from him. He never knew how lonely he was until he couldn’t be with Lori anymore—and he never knew how much he wanted a woman like Andrea until they left the farm together.


	8. Thirty Minutes of Wonderful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea is attentive to Shane after he clears out several condo units filled with walkers.

_Love Quote #8 -“I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”_

**Thirty Minutes of Wonderful**

Shane sauntered into their condo unit, drenched in blood from head-to-toe. 

Wasting no time, he slammed the door closed and used an extension cord to tie a clove hitch knot on the doorknob to ensure no one—living or dead—got in from the outside. He dumped the backpack on the sofa and the spoils spilled out: chocolate and vanilla pudding cups, a box of animal crackers, four Pepsi cans, and a jar of tomato sauce. Three toilet paper rolls and one roll of paper towels. Canned mixed vegetables and two boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios too—Andrea told him to take whatever he could find. She looked up when she heard him. She had been making a light meal of raw carrots and apple slices. They were trying to preserve the food. A gasp escaped from her when she saw him.

“What happened?”

“Walkers—a whole lot of ‘em in the other units.”

“Didn’t you wear your riot gear?”

Shane didn’t respond as he kicked off his boots and peeled off his clothes so that he was only clad in his boxers. He knew Andrea was right—he should’ve worn the riot gear to protect himself from being bitten by walkers and also shield himself from the viscera. For whatever reason he couldn’t explain, he left their unit with only his weapons and backpack. It was stupid because he came back with blood splattered all over his body. Shane didn’t have a faint heart, but his countenance was shaken. He also felt gross and sticky from all the human guts that had splashed on his clothes when he had killed ten walkers spread across three apartment units. Despite how disgusting he felt, he was thankful to be alive and with Andrea. He just wanted to take a shower and put on fresh clothes. Andrea seemed to read his mind as she stopped what she was doing and came over to him.

“I’m sorry you went through that.” She held out her hand to his, hoping he’d take it.

Instead, Shane looked down at it and didn’t respond for several seconds. Then he thought better of it and grasped her hand. Without saying a word, Andrea led him to the bathroom. It was large and spacious as they had taken to living in one of the high-rise’s luxury suites. Shane looked around as Andrea went to draw a bath for him. He was surprised as he expected to take a shower—the stall was a decent size and he and Andrea had shared many memories from past showers together. He realized Andrea had something else in mind when he heard the familiar sound of the water rushing from the faucet. He thought about sitting down, but he didn’t want the blood to contaminate the area. It was better to stay standing where he was. He watched as she poured half a bottle of bubble bath in the tub. The pleasant scent of lavender floated in the air. It was a calming aroma, but Shane considered it to be feminine. He didn’t want to upset Andrea, but he had to ask her. 

“Are you serious?”

Andrea turned to him, her eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, Shane? Of course, I’m serious.”

“I can jus’ take a shower—won’t take long.”

“One minute.”

“Thirty seconds.”

Andrea sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine, go ahead.”

Shane got in the shower stall while Andrea stood outside, waiting for him. Just as he promised, he was done quickly. “Alright, I’m done.”

She shook her head. “Nope, you’re going in the bathtub. C’mon, let’s go.” Andrea didn’t hesitate and led him over. “Those gotta come off too,” she said, pointing at his boxers. “I’m tossing them out.”

Shane stared at her as he slowly removed them. “You comin’ in with me?” A mischievous smirk flashed across his face.

“No.”

“Then I ain’t gettin’ in.”

Andrea stared at him for a long while. She couldn’t tell if he was joking around or serious. Then she thought better of it. “If you don’t get in voluntarily, I’ll push you in and lock you in here until you’re all clean.”

Shane blinked. He knew that tone very well. Andrea wasn’t playing around. Holding up his hands in surrender, he climbed into the bathtub and allowed himself to get comfortable in the warm water and bubbles. He tried not to make a face when he smelled the lavender. When he thought about it again, it was a much nicer smell than human decomposition. He had gotten used to it given that the world they lived in now was full of walking corpses. Also, he didn’t want to insult Andrea: she was pampering him and after what he went through today, he really needed it.

“There, I’m in.”

A wide grin spread across Andrea’s face. “Good, now I’m gonna clean you up—and no splashing!”

For the next half hour, Andrea gave Shane the prime treatment as she scrubbed all over his body. She massaged him and kneaded all his muscles, leaving none untouched. Halfway through, she drained the tub and refilled it while using the remaining bubble bath gel. She went back to rubbing his body like a professional massage therapist. Shane almost fell asleep—it was so serene and Andrea knew which muscles to focus on and how much pressure to apply. He wanted to tell her she had magical hands and should massage him more often. All of the tension that had been stored in his body had melted away. His muscles were no longer stiff. He was far more relaxed now. When she was done, she stepped back, smiling.

“All done, Shane.” She grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around him as he stepped out. 

Shane looked down as he fixed the towel around his waist and then pointed at the clock on the wall. “That took thirty minutes, Drea. The longest damn bath I ever had.”

She looked at where he pointed. “I wasn’t keeping track of time.” She shrugged.

“Why’d you do that for me?” His tone was thoughtful. “I coulda washed myself.”

Andrea leaned over to drain the tub and watched the water swirl down the drain. “Remember when you took care of me in the house when I got sick?”

Shane nodded as the memories came back to him. Sometime after leaving the farm, they had found an empty house and used it as their shelter until running out of supplies. When they first discovered the house, Andrea wasn’t feeling well. She was running a fever, nauseous, dizzy, and vomiting. Shane had found Andrea after she fell down a flight of stairs. He remembered picking up Andrea and placing her in the master bedroom, and then burning the family of walkers he had found in the basement. After that, he had drawn her a bath—and now that he thought about it, the bubble gel had a lavender scent just like the one she used for him today. Andrea had woken up in the bathtub surrounded by bubbles and appreciative that he had doted on her when she needed it most.

“I gave you a bubble bath when you felt like shit.”

Andrea nodded. “Yeah, and I always wanted to give you the same. I just had no idea it would take a half hour.” She laughed.

Shane smiled as he drew Andrea close to him. “I’d rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothin’ special.”


	9. She Wanted to Stay Angry, But...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane helps himself to Andrea’s ginger ale.

_Love Quote #9 - “You can't stay mad at someone who makes you laugh”_

**She Wanted to Stay Angry, But…**

Shane managed to piss off Andrea more times than she could count. It was ironic, given that he was the hotheaded one in their relationship and she was (usually) more levelheaded.

The first time he made her angry, he had brought up Amy to rile her up during shooting lessons. He apologized at the time and explained away his behavior as “tryin’ to toughen you up”. Then he name-dropped Amy again when Morales was lackadaisical about having a lookout for the night. They had run into Morales and his family during their trip to Maryland after the Hyundai broke down and Shane thanked him for his help by telling them off. _“You got shit for brains”_ and reminding Morales about Amy’s death as the result of the walkers attacking the Atlantic camp during their fish-fry. 

Other times included how he carried a torch for Lori Grimes—the woman was probably having passionate sex with her husband, Rick Grimes, and Shane had moped about her for months after they left the farm. Shane’s inability (or refusal in Andrea’s view) to let go of Lori manifested itself in ways neither of them wanted to deal with. One time, they had argued in a coffee shop and during the fight, Shane had accidentally called her “Lori”. Andrea was infuriated and although he apologized several times, she was done for the night. She had left the coffee shop for hours. He had gone out to the parking lot looking for her, only for her to storm back in and lock herself in the women’s bathroom for the rest of the time they were there. 

When they were back on the road again, she sat in the backseat for an entire day, refusing to speak with him or go near him. Another four days passed before she let up and had intimacy again with him—only when she made him promise to never say Lori’s name ever again, regardless of the context. He had agreed and she warmed up after that and allowed him to kiss and touch her. Shane learned fast: he never made that blunder again, but Andrea always wondered if he still thought about Lori. She didn’t have the nerve to ask him.

Then they found Woodbury and Andrea’s anger at Shane skyrocketed. Grabbing her arm in front of everyone and trying to discourage her from befriending Philip Blake/The Governor. Well, that last one Shane had been right about—The Governor (or _Guvnah_ as he preferred to call him) was manipulative and a sick son of a bitch. They had barely escaped Woodbury alive. Despite that, Shane never rubbed it in her face that he had been right. And he _was_ right a lot of times. It’s just his presentation left a lot to be desired as she had told him so long ago when they were still at Hershel’s farm. He was blunt when the circumstances called for tact, and his brutal honesty wasn’t an asset, but a liability.

This was especially true when Negan captured them after Shane’s oh-so-brilliant idea to abandon The Hilltop to sneak into The Sanctuary. His idea had backfired and for entire week, Negan kept them separated to ensure they lived up to the hype that they both broadcasted about themselves: Shane being capable of a top lieutenant position and Andrea being “Annie Oakley” as Negan liked to call her. The Hilltop had been the very place that helped her get back on her feet again after a major illness—but no, Shane insisted they would be better off being “the predator” instead of “the prey”. 

Shane had done other things that irked her nerves, situations where their lives were literally an inch away from being terminated, but right now, what she was mad about…well, it was trivial. Then again, maybe it wasn’t, especially not with the way things were now. Before the world went to hell, Andrea could go out and buy ginger-ale whenever she wanted. She could buy six-packs, liters, bottles…however she wanted to have it, she would buy it and then store it away to make it last a month or longer. 

Now was a different story. 

After escaping The Sanctuary, they had scavenged the night before at a rest-stop that had several small restaurants and bathrooms. They had been shocked to find most of the food and drinks cleared out. There was only a handful of items left, other survivors must’ve gotten to the rest-stop before them. Andrea was glad to find one bottle of ginger-ale. She had been craving it for the longest time. She could’ve had ginger-ale whenever she wanted; after all The Sanctuary had everything—but because of the Saviors’ M.O. of snatching supplies from other communities after Negan killed someone to terrify them into submission—Andrea chose not to have any. She thrived on very little at The Sanctuary. It was her silent protest for being there, something Shane had never noticed. The only time she took anything was when they planned their escape from Negan. Only then did she take off with some food, drink, ammo, and firearms. 

Now they stopped at a gas station for the night—and she was happy to find a two liter bottle of ginger-ale. Andrea put it in her shoulder bag before turning in for the night and Shane offered to stay awake and keep watch. Andrea slept well after having drank a quarter of the bottle. She wanted to save some for the next day. Dawn was slowly arriving when she woke up. Andrea yawned as she stood up and walked around the counter. She had stayed there all night, while Shane had hung around the store area, walking up and down the aisles, searching for supplies to take with them.

“Morning, Drea.”

Andrea squinted. Shane had a queasy grin on his face and his voice sounded off. “Morning, Shane…” Why was he staring at her like that? It was totally uncharacteristic of him.

“You hungry, darlin’?”

Again with that strange expression. “No, I’m thirsty.”

Shane held up a small container of Tropicana orange juice. “I got us some tang!”

“That’s not tang, Shane; it’s juice.”

“Same difference.”

Andrea shook her head. For some reason, Shane was coming off weird. She went behind the counter to find her shoulder bag where she had stored the ginger ale. She was craving the drink again; it had been her favorite since childhood. It seemed odd to drink ginger ale in the morning, but she didn’t care. Unzipping the bag, Andrea reached in for the two liter bottle and was surprised at how light it was in her hand. When she pulled it out, she found out why.

The bottle was empty.

Andrea stared at the bottle, not comprehending how she had drank some the night before and now it was empty. Someone had drank the rest of the beverage—and it wasn’t her. Now she knew why Shane looked like that proverbial cat who ate the canary…

_“Shane!”_

“Andrea!” His tone was playful when he turned around to face her.

“Explain this—no, better yet, explain yourself.” She threw the bottle and he caught it mid-air like a football.

“I had a cravin’ for ginger ale an’ you had some last night, so I jus’ helped myself to the rest.”

At least, he was honest. “You know I wanted that ginger ale—we hardly find any.”

“We’ll find more, Drea, don’t you worry—”

“You couldn’t even save me a little? Not one drop?!” Andrea was livid. She would never go into Shane’s stash of supplies, even if he had something she really wanted. She’d ask him first. “You couldn’t even ask me?”

“You were fas’ asleep, darlin’, an’ I wasn’t gonna wake you up for some ginger ale.”

“Like hell! I don’t do this with you—you know I don’t!”

A smirk flashed across his face now. “Damn, the things you get your panties in a bunch for!” When he saw she wasn’t entertained, he become somber and rubbed his head—a telltale sign he was both serious and anxious. “I’ll make it up to you—I promise.”

“Don’t bother.” Andrea turned her back on him and she heard Shane approaching her. “Next time you find sweet tea, I’m taking it all for myself.”

“Nah, you won’t ‘cause—” Shane belched loudly; he had been cut off by his own self. 

She whipped around. “Was that you?” She couldn’t believe it unless she heard it again.

“Damn it, hate when that shit happens.” He belched again, louder than before. “I drank the ale ‘cause my stomach was actin’ up an’ now—” This was the third time in a row.

Andrea busted out laughing. She couldn’t stay angry with Shane—not when he made her laugh this hard, even if it was unintentional. When she turned around to face him, she cracked up even more at Shane’s mystified expression. As angry as he made her at times, Shane always brought out laughter in her. It made it impossible for her to stay angry at him for too long, especially at strange times like this. Before long, she heard Shane chuckling alongside her and they both forgot about the ginger ale.


	10. Those Incredible Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane loves Andrea's eyes.

_Love Quote #10 -_ _“I_ _look at them, and they look back with those incredible eyes, smile, and it pathetically makes my entire day.”_

**Those Incredible Eyes**

Shane would stare at Andrea all day if she’d let him. 

She was so enticing. Her blonde hair pulled into a ponytail with tendrils framing her face. The way her jeans hugged her legs. How her blouses hung off her shoulders. 

His favorite feature was Andrea’s eyes. Shane couldn’t tell if they were blue or green. Aquamarine? The exact color didn’t matter—they were incredible. Her mysterious smile—he never knew if she was up to something.

Shane could be having the worst day of his life, but if Andrea smiled at him—everything that was wrong was made right. 


	11. Because

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane reflects on why he needs and loves Andrea.

_Love Quote #11 -_ " _I don't love you because I need you; I need you because I love you.”_

**Because**

Before leaving the farm, Shane was dying emotionally, although he made decisions that kept him physically alive. Any vestiges of life stemmed from rage and fear. A second chance presented itself as Andrea. 

When he left with her, he didn’t expect anything. Over time, he found he made the right choice. While Shane is quick to lose his temper, Andrea keeps him grounded. She validates his decisions, while pointing out how he can be more effective. Andrea sees the best in him when he’s at his worst. She’s the true friend he always needed.

In choosing Andrea, Shane chose life.


	12. A Matter of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Andrea discuss matters of faith and love.

_Love Quote #12 -_ _"Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to."_

**A Matter of Faith**

Shane wasn't one for faith. Sometimes he'd listen to Hershel pray before a meal. Hershel would give thanks to God, share with the group about how his faith helped him through life's most difficult times, and how he felt it was the most important thing he had. Shane would close his eyes and bow his head, but it didn't mean anything to him, until one day when Carl asked Hershel about it during breakfast.

"What does it mean when we pray?"

Carl's question was innocent. Shane glanced at Rick, wondering what he thought. He knew Rick wasn't one for religion either. Rick was smiling, but whether it was a wry or genuine expression, Shane couldn't tell. Just then Hershel answered his question.

"It means we have faith, Carl."

"Faith in what?"

"Carl—" Rick started, but Hershel gently admonished him.

"It's okay, Rick. Carl can ask questions. It's good for a young mind to grapple with faith."

"I guess so," Rick said. He nodded at his son. "Go ahead."

"Like what does faith even mean?" Carl's question was sincere.

"Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to. I have faith in God, even though I can't see Him or hear Him. I believe He is there listening to my prayers. Common sense would say there is no God, but I have faith, Carl. I believe He is present with us."

Shane noticed that Carl looked interested now—and that he understood what Hershel meant.

"Is it like when I believed Dad would come back to me and Mom, although we thought he was dead?"

Shane groaned inside. He played with the grits on his plate, not wanting to make eye contact with Lori. He forced himself to do so and instantly regretted it. The intensity of her cold stare was uncomfortable. It wasn't the first time she had done so and usually Shane put up with it, but not today. Especially not with what Carl had just asked. After all this time, she still blamed him and believed he had lied about Rick being dead in the hospital. She never even took the time to understand how terrifying it was to attempt to rescue Rick from a hospital infested with walkers.

"That's a good example of faith, yes. There are many things that we may believe in, even though they may not seem possible."

Carl smiled. Rick ruffled his son's hair and Lori glared at Shane who sat across from him. Everyone else was oblivious to the silent exchange going on between Lori and Shane. Everyone else—except Andrea who put her fork and spoon across her plate. Andrea glanced in Shane's direction and quietly excused herself from the table. She left with her plate and utensils, placed them in the kitchen sink, and then went outside. It was so quiet that Shane could hear the front door close behind her. What about everyone else? Carol, Daryl, Dale, Glenn, and T-Dog? Maggie, Beth, Jimmy, and Patricia? Carol appeared interested in the conversation as she listened closely. Everyone else kept eating their breakfast while Carl and Hershel continued their conversation about faith. Shane thought about what faith meant to him, in light of the exchange he had just witnessed.

If faith meant believing in something when common sense told him not to—then Shane was honest with himself: he had no faith. He didn't believe in love after love. Was there such a thing? How could he love anyone after Lori? Never before had he been so stuck emotionally. Before the world went to hell, before Rick got shot by those fugitives, before he got Lori and Carl to safety—Shane didn't believe in love. Or rather, he had not loved any woman before. He _had_ loved his Grandma Jean for raising him, but she was family, so he didn't count her.

Lusting and chasing after women had been his _modus operandi._ Sleeping with as many women as he could and hopping from one one-night-stand to the next, it was all a numbers game to him. It was exciting in the moment when it was all about getting between their legs, but after that, there was nothing. Just awful emptiness. Until he found the next woman at the bar, the billiards, wherever he hung out at night. Then the cycle repeated itself until the world went to hell and everything he ever known was thrown upside down. He knew nothing about being a husband or father; that was Rick's domain; but during the time he spent caring for Lori and watching over Carl, he started to realize what it meant to protect those he loved, to ensure their safety was always priority…

Of all the things that could've happened (and frankly, he never expected it to happen), he fell in love. Shane had never allowed himself to get emotionally attached to any woman. Lori was the first, and he was afraid now, that she would be the last. It's why he had no faith in love after love. Common sense told him that Lori was the only woman who could occupy that empty space in his heart. Common sense also told him there was no room for another woman…

Now Carl was asking Hershel about what it was like to have faith in a God that he couldn't see or hear. Shane decided to leave the house. Without a word, he rose from his seat, took his plate and utensils to the sink. When he got there, he saw Andrea's dishes. He quickly washed both his and her dishes, and then exited the house. Feeling the cool crisp air was refreshing. He glanced at the wide expanse of property and started towards the outer wooden fence. It was rickety and needed to be repaired. Maybe he'd work on it if Hershel would allow it. Hershel probably wouldn't, so Shane figured he'd ask Rick to talk the older man into it. Shane was surprised to find Andrea already there, as though she had been expecting him to show up.

"Where you off to, Shane?"

"Just mindin' my business. Gonna check the fence out."

"Hmm…," Andrea ran her hand on the fence and then turned to him. "This morning was interesting."

"Somewhat." He didn't want to go further than that. He only hoped Andrea didn't see Lori glaring at him.

"What do you have faith in?"

"Not much."

"Oh…" Andrea's reaction seemed like she wasn't sure how to respond. Then she continued as she watched Shane examine the fence. "Well, I have faith in life after death."

Shane chuckled. "You mean heaven an' hell an' all that stuff?"

"No, I meant…" Andrea paused now. It was several moments before she continued and even Shane looked up, curious as to why she had become quiet. "I realize now that I can go on living after Amy. There's life after death in that way—I'm not sure about the other way you were thinking of."

Shane was about to make an off-handed joke about how the dead rose and came back to life now, but he knew that would be in poor taste. After all, it was because corpses were able to walk around now and devour the living that they were in this whole mess. Society was broken, order ceased to exist, and safety was a luxury. Andrea had been directly impacted when she had to put down sister, Amy. She had seen her own flesh and blood die a horrible death from a walker attack, held her own dying sister in her arms, and was forced to shoot her in the head when she started to reanimate.

"So you have no faith?"

"Nope."

"In nothing at all?"

Shane paused as he tested the fences' sturdiness. Yep, it sure needed fixing. "Nope, nothin'."

"Not even love after love?" Andrea pressed.

Shane's looked up sharply. "What the hell are you talkin' 'bout? 'Love after love'?!"

Andrea didn't hesitate. "I saw how Lori looked at you this morning—like she hates you. I don't know what her problem is, but you don't deserve that. You deserve better, Shane."

A long period of silence followed. Shane refused to look in her direction now as he stood up and started walking away from the fence—and away from Andrea. How did Andrea know about his issues with Lori anyway? There was that time when she pursued him in the cemetery because she overheard him telling Lori that he planned to leave the group. _Damn it,_ he seethed as he stormed towards the barn. He didn't need anyone in his business—even if they were empathizing with him. As he walked away from Andrea, he remembered how she offered to leave with him and start over again. What had she told him? _"Put a gun in my hand and I'll cover your ass."_ Then Hershel's voice from earlier rang in his mind: _"faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to."_

Common sense told him that Andrea wouldn't be a better friend to him than Lori. Common sense made it clear that he couldn't allow himself to think that Andrea would be a real partner. Common sense convinced him not to believe that Andrea was hinting that they could have something special together. Something special called "love"? No. Sure, he had bonded with her briefly in Dale's RV, showed her how to disassemble a gun, and later on, he taught her how to aim and shoot accurately—that didn't mean anything.

Common sense was winning out, but…

Shane wanted to believe that love after love was real. That it was possible to love another woman after having lost in love the first time around. He wished he could have faith in the notion that Andrea would be able to reciprocate his love and friendship. He wanted to be certain that he could leave the farm with Andrea and start all over again, have a new life, and maybe (a big "maybe") have a fulfilling relationship with her. He wanted to have faith in the idea of having faith. Most of all, he wanted to have faith about wanting the impossible: that one day he would love Andrea—and she would love him back…


	13. Life Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the anniversary of Amy’s death draws near, Shane tries to comfort Andrea, but comes to find out that she’s reflecting on what life would be like without him.

_Love Quote #13 -_ _"I think the worst thing about life would be having to go through it without you."_

**Life Without You**

Shane knew that smile. It was a forced smile. Even her eyes betrayed her true state. Andrea's green eyes usually sparkled with excitement, but now they were dull and lifeless. Her voice cracked unintentionally when she spoke. Shane didn't understand why Andrea tried so hard to pretend to be happy and act like everything was okay when she was falling apart inside. He knew her just as she knew him. There was no point in acting, especially since they were everything to each other: best friends, partners, and lovers. Andrea had been wearing that worn smile lately and he knew why—but he wanted to hear her say it. Putting words in her mouth would only make her more upset.

"You been all by yourself, Drea. Let's talk." Shane put his arm around Andrea's shoulders and pulled her close to him.

They were lying together side by side on the king-size bed in their bedroom. It was memory foam with many pillows to lie on so that they could be comfortable. Andrea played with a crystal mermaid figurine and didn't respond when she heard Shane or when he squeezed her shoulder. She glanced at him briefly when he called her name again and then went back to turning the figurine over in the light, watching as it reflected the colors of the rainbow. Shane lay beside her and ran his hand through his hair—his usual way of relieving stress. The interesting thing was that there wasn't much to be stressed about these days.

It had been several months since finding the high-rise in Baltimore. For the most part, their life was pretty good. They had cleared out several floors that had walkers, covering many individual apartment units. Thankfully, there were no lingering occupants. It seemed as though once the outbreak hit Baltimore, everyone had abandoned the city. Or maybe there were survivors holed up in different buildings in the city. Sometimes they found walkers and people who had already been attacked by walkers, or people who "opted out" by committing suicide. For the most part though, it was just them. Their new home was a blessing because it happened as Shane imagined it—they had ample supplies. They could go to any of the ninety-four units to pillage for needed items. Their unit had a master bedroom and another room to store supplies. They had a spacious deck that they used in case they wanted personal space and which offered a gorgeous view of the harbor.

Speaking of personal space, Shane considered granting that to Andrea. When he first returned to their bedroom after breakfast, he had found her playing around with the crystal mermaid figurine. Andrea had found it on the fourth floor and had pocketed it when they had cleared out a unit full of crystal figurines set in a glass case. Someone had been an avid collector and Shane remembered how Andrea had honed in on the mermaid figurine before scooping it up. When they eventually found the condo unit they were living in now, the first thing Andrea did was place the crystal mermaid on a shelf where she could always see it. He had never asked her about it, but he knew what this was about.

Amy.

The anniversary of her death was coming up and as each day brought them closer, Andrea became more withdrawn. Andrea often told Shane that Amy loved fantasy creatures, especially mermaids. Today, she had went to the living room and took the mermaid figurine off the shelf and into the bedroom where she kept turning it over. She barely spoke a word the entire time. Every now and then, she would sigh, but she hadn't opened up.

Shane ate breakfast by himself (chocolate pudding) in the dining area as he knew Andrea needed her space. Still, he wanted to approach this with her. He remembered how Andrea had encouraged him to talk to Otis as a way to process and release the guilt he felt about killing him. Prior to that, Andrea led by example when she spoke to Amy and apologized to her younger sister for not being there. They had made grave markers and laid down flowers for both Otis and Amy. It had been therapeutic for them. Maybe they could do something to celebrate Amy's life, instead of just grieving her death—although that was perfectly fine too.

"Why don't we do somethin' for Amy?" Shane didn't see the point in skirting around the issue.

Andrea lay still with the crystal mermaid figurine still clasped in her hands. When she spoke he could barely hear her and he had to ask her to repeat herself.

"For what?"

Shane blinked, shocked by her reply. "Thought you'd wanna do somethin' to honor her memory, celebrate her life…" He couldn't hide the fact that her sharp tone completely threw him off. Especially considering how much Andrea spoke about Amy.

Andrea shook her head. "I just need time to think about her, that's all. I know she'd want me to go on."

Shane's eyebrows furrowed in confusion now. "You been quiet for some days now. Her anni—"

"Is coming up." She held up the mermaid to the light and turned it over. "I'll deal with it in my own way, Shane."

Shane stared at her, watching as she continued to toy with the crystal figurine. Why was she pushing him away? It was strange. In the beginning of their relationship, it was Shane who always pushed Andrea away. One time, it got so bad that Andrea pushed back and gave him the silent treatment during their time in Woodbury when she was being charmed by the duplicitous Philip Blake. That situation was far behind them and in the here-and-now Shane wanted to be present for her, especially when it came to Amy. If she wouldn't let him, then he'd have to respect her choice. By now, he knew Andrea cherished her independence. She turned to him so that she was gazing at him directly.

"I don't know what I want to do. Sometimes I think I've gotten used to her being gone and then the emotions hit me all over again. It used to feel like I was drowning in grief. I got better with it, but now…" she shrugged. "I'm sorry, Shane…I just..." Her voice faltered and suddenly tears streamed down her face. She bit her lip, unable to continue.

Shane gently smoothed out Andrea's tears. "Whatever you wanna do for Amy, you let me know an' I'm on it."

"I know, but it's not that—I have this." She held up the crystal mermaid figurine. "This reminds me of her, since I have no pictures of her, no photographs."

"You got some memories though, right?" The words left his mouth before he realized what he was saying. As soon he finished asking his question, he remembered how Andrea openly expressed her regrets about not spending more time with Amy. _"I always thought I had more time. I was away in college when she had birthday parties. Even on her last birthday, I didn't give her gift in time."_

"Not as much as I would like." Andrea sighed and sat up. She placed the mermaid figurine on the night table. "We can do something nice when the day comes. Just thinking of her and how I miss her..." She paused and a long silence followed. "It made me think about what would happen if I lost you, Shane."

Shane sat up in the bed now, mirroring her movements and present posture. "Drea, this ain't 'bout me—"

"I think the worst thing about life would be having to go through it without you." She looked at him now. This time when the tears came again and he reached out to smooth them away, she shook her head. "I lost Amy and never made up for lost time. I never made peace with Dale." She swallowed nervously. "I don't want to lose you, Shane."

An uneasy chuckle erupted from Shane. He didn't intend to and he knew he had the same fear as she did—but he didn't want to focus on that right now. He knew the fear all too well having lost Lori and then almost losing Andrea to The Governor when Woodbury's manipulative leader almost succeeded in seducing her to his side. When Shane looked at Andrea, her eyes were wide with shock. Right away, he knew she thought he was laughing at her.

"I ain't laughin' at you, Drea. C'mere." He held his arms wide open, allowing her to fall into his embrace. "I don't know what I'd do without you either, but right now, we're here, we're together an'—"

"I almost lost you when I was blinded by Philip's bullshit. When Negan wanted to kill us after we ran away—"

"I almost lost you too…" Shane's voice trailed off.

"My life wouldn't be the same without you. I never would've made it with Rick's group. I would've tried to kill myself again so I could be with Amy. Or I would've done something stupid that would end in my death—I know it." She sighed again, exhausted by the emotions weighing on her. Her body felt heavy.

"But you didn't, Drea. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

A nervous laugh erupted from Andrea. "You think so?"

"I know so. Reverend Shane is my witness."

Andrea playfully pretended to remove his arms, gently pushing him away. Of course, Shane had a firm grip on her body—just as he had on her heart. Thanks to him, she was slowly coming out of her sadness. What she appreciated most was that he gave her the space to grieve and be alone when she needed it. He was kind to remember about Amy and thoughtful to offer celebrating her life since the anniversary of her death was coming closer.

" _You're_ Reverend Shane, silly!"

Shane gently squeezed Andrea, maintaining his protective embrace. "I am, an' you're…um…" He stared at the ceiling, trying to come up with something off the wall. "You're that sexy-ass nun I wanna bang. Always hidin' her gorgeous body under that outfit—that habit!"

Andrea laughed some more and then became quiet. "Thank you…I needed that." She wiped her face where more tears had escaped. "These last few days I was buried in sadness."

"I know." Shane became serious again. "That's why I thought we'd do somethin' nice to honor her. It's up to you, Drea. No pressure, jus' know I'm down for whatever."

"Thank you. I'll let you know about Amy, but back to us," Andrea paused as she ran her hands along his muscular arms that held her. "We're here now, we got a good thing…" Her voice trailed off.

"Nah, we ain't got a good thing—we got a _great_ thing! An' you know what?"

Andrea shrugged as if to say "what?"

"It's only gonna get better. Remember what I told you when we were in The Sanctuary?"

Andrea opened her mouth to respond and then closed it. She waited for Shane to say it.

"You have me an' I have you..." He squeezed tighter.

"Long as we have each other we can survive this place," Andrea's voice was firm now.

Shane nodded, glad that she remembered. "We can get through anythin' together, ok?"

Andrea gave a curt nod. "Okay."

They spent the rest of the afternoon in each other's arms.


	14. What You Meant To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea starts to appreciate Shane’s intentions (despite his lousy presentation).

_Love Quote #14 -_ " _Never say sorry for what you meant to do."_

**What You Meant To Do**

Andrea sat on the porch steps of Hershel's home. She had just finished eating dinner and noticed how Shane tried to catch her eye, but she had ignored him. Today was a weird day for them, but what day wasn't? No, today was good and bad. She started reflecting on the day's events when she heard footsteps behind her. Andrea glanced over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of combat boots and cargo pants. She quickly reverted her gaze to staring at the front lawn.

"I'm sorry for bringin' up Amy today." Shane paused as though considering what he was about to say. "I was wrong, you don't shoot like a girl. You shoot like a natural born badass."

He waited for her to respond. When she didn't, he continued. "I'm sorry for bein' a dick. Jus' want you to toughen up so that you make it out there."

Andrea knew she should answer him—at least acknowledge his presence, but what was there to say? She wasn't angry at him, at least not right now. Earlier today, she had been furious with him. They had been through so much: looking for Sophia, teaching her to shoot a moving target, running into walkers and putting her skills to the test, and of course, their unforgettable passionate tryst in the Hyundai.

"Don't know why you givin' me the silent treatment, but hey, if that's how you want it…"

She could picture him shrugging. He had apologized then, but Andrea didn't believe he was sorry at the time. Probably because she was still too angry at him to think straight. She had acknowledged his apology, but she hadn't fully accepted it. This time…he sounded sincere.

She knew he meant to rile her up when he brought up Amy, to make her feel what it was really like out there. His sexism that Andrea "shot like a girl" wasn't accidental either. In the end, he wanted her to get angry and shoot the damn target. Today she learned was a sharpshooter, a hidden talent she may've always had, but Shane brought it out. He had just mentioned that he was trying to toughen her up and when Andrea was honest with herself—she needed it. She wasn't going to survive in this new world if she always ran away scared and depended on others to protect her. She needed to protect and defend herself—and she needed to believe she was capable of doing so.

Andrea stood up just as he reached for door to let himself back in Hershel's home.

"Shane."

He turned around to face her, his dark eyes narrowed. She thought he'd say something to her, but instead, he stood there, waiting to hear from her.

"Never say sorry for what you meant to do," she paused, wondering if she should say the next words and decided to press forward. "Thank you for believing in me."

Shane stared at her, not saying anything. Then, he gave a curt nod, as though acknowledging what she said. There were no more words between them that day. They didn't need to speak—the mutual and silent understanding was more than enough. So when Andrea sat back down on the porch steps again, she was pleasantly surprised when Shane joined her.

They stayed together for the rest of the evening.


	15. Even If You Have To Wait Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding out Shane’s truth is worth the wait for Andrea.

_Love Quote #15 - “_ _Some things are worth waiting for...even if you have to wait forever.”_

**Even If You Have to Wait Forever**

_“I belong to you an’ no one else. That’s how I want it, Drea.”_

The words rang in Andrea’s mind long after Shane said them. He didn’t mean to voice them aloud—she knew this to be true because he had caught himself in the middle of saying she was his woman and that nobody was allowed to talk badly about her. The words had slipped out when she was patching him up. Shane had been severely beaten by Merle and Martinez. The following day, they escaped from Woodbury after she successfully manipulated The Governor into freeing them. That happened hours ago and she had fallen asleep in Shane’s arms, but now she was awake again in the Hyundai. She turned around to see Shane still sleeping soundly. She didn’t want to wake him up since he needed to rest so that he could heal. Instead, she opted to remain where she was as she contemplated their developing relationship.

From the time Andrea offered friendship to Shane in the cemetery, to the actual day when they left Rick’s group felt like an eternity. It took several months for Shane to come around, but her grief about Amy, the ongoing conflict with Dale, and feeling isolated from the group made time drag on. When Shane decided to leave—the timing was perfect. He would never reveal how lonely he was, but he did admit that he should’ve left with her when he had the chance. After she challenged him by asking what was keeping him there, they left the farm and never looked back.

What took even longer was Shane being forthright about his feelings. It took The Governor’s mind games and threatening Shane’s life to make her see the truth and for Shane to unlock his heart. When he finally let his guard down and allowed himself to be vulnerable, when he finally revealed both his darkest secrets and how he truly felt about her, Andrea knew not to take it for granted. She could tell that it was easier for Shane to get physically close to a woman, more so than emotionally close. He had told her everything though—things she didn’t ask, but had often wondered about: what really happened at the school that night with him and Otis, why he didn’t want to leave the farm initially, the truth about his complicated connection with Lori. 

Although it seemed like forever for Shane to express his innermost thoughts and feelings—she knew it had been worth the wait.


	16. Golden Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Andrea rest in each other's arms after crossing the Maryland border.

_Love Quote #16 - "For some moments in life, there are no words."_

**Golden Sil** **enc** **e**

The sun was still hovering over the horizon when Shane pulled into the Maryland rest area. 

It was the first rest area he saw after crossing the Maryland border. A large sign indicated it was a welcome center. His body felt like it weighed a ton and his eyes kept drooping. The physical and emotional exhaustion was finally catching up to him and he was certain Andrea felt the same way. Only hours ago, they had managed to get away from Gavin, one of Negan’s loyal lieutenants, after a very tense stand-off that could’ve resulted in his and Andrea’s capture—and their deaths if they had been dragged back to The Sanctuary. After barely escaping from the Saviors, he just wanted to find a place to crash for the night. 

They would’ve stayed in the motel they had found earlier if it wasn’t infested with walkers. Instead, they decided to ride it out, since Andrea’s map indicated they were close to the Maryland border. Accomplishing their goal of reaching Maryland seemed so surreal that neither of them could speak about it now that they were finally there. Everything they had been through since leaving Hershel’s farm had brought them together and now that they had reached their destination, it meant the first part was over. The second part—finding a permanent residence—might be difficult, but they were ready for whatever lay ahead. There was no rush and they knew what they wanted to find: a high-rise or an apartment complex—that was Shane’s plan of action.

He disembarked from the motorcycle and reached for Andrea. She got off and they walked towards the building’s entrance with the motorcycle between them. Glancing over his shoulder, Shane thought he heard growling. Without a word, Andrea sprinted to the walker that had snuck up behind a parked car and was now ambling towards them. She noticed the walker had on a black apron and she wondered if the man had worked for a fast food restaurant. Based on the signs leading to the rest stop, Andrea was under the impression this was a smaller rest stop—not like the larger ones with various fast food restaurants. Andrea struck the knife in the walker’s head and the undead being collapsed at her feet.

Meanwhile, Shane pried the doors open. Andrea caught up with him and they went inside. It wasn’t a large space, but it would do for the night. There was a restroom, a vending machine, and a large map on the wall indicating their precise location. Glancing at each other, they knew what they had to do: clear out the entire area of any stray walkers. Shane pointed ahead and Andrea nodded, understanding what he indicated. It wouldn’t take them long. Maybe twenty minutes at most.

**oOo**

A half hour later, Andrea returned to the center of the welcome building. She looked at the map that read _MARYLAND_ in a large bold letters and saw the various towns and cities pinpointed. She sighed in relief. They were finally here. A sudden wave of exhaustion swept over her and Andrea sat down against a wall. She hoped Shane would come out soon. There was a loud bang from the left and she saw Shane approaching her, the same dazed look in his eyes. There were flecks of blood on his cargo paints—which indicated he put down a walker. He was carrying wires and Andrea watched as he knotted the doors’ handles to ensure they would be secure for the night. The way Shane tied his knots she knew nobody would get in the welcome center—living or dead. 

He now approached her and Andrea scooted over, giving him room to sit next to her. When he finally sat down next to her (because he seemed mesmerized that they were actually in Maryland), he gestured her to sit close by. Andrea did one better and sat straddling his legs while she looped her arms around his neck. She blinked when Shane’s hand brushed the hair out of her eyes. His arms then encircled her body, pulling her close to him. _I love you,_ he mouthed. Andrea’s smile was modest and she reciprocated the message: _I love you too._ There was no need to say the actual words aloud. Just being there together was all they wanted. They held each other in a silent embrace, remembering what brought them together. Soon after, they fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

It was the best night of sleep they had since leaving the farm. 


	17. Hold Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Andrea drive down to Florida to find her parents.

_Love Quote #17 -_ _"_ _All I want is for someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay."_ _  
_

**Hold Me** _  
_

Shane kept driving into the night while Andrea slept on the passenger side. They had originally planned to drive up to Maryland, but at the last minute they did a turnaround—and headed down to Florida. It was Andrea's request to find her parents' home in Tallahassee. The journey would take six to eight hours and they were already halfway there.

_"_ _Wake me up when the sun comes up,"_ had been Andrea's request.

They wouldn't cross over the Florida state line for several hours, so Shane let Andrea continue to sleep. She had described to him the house her parents lived in. Shane remembered traveling down there once before with Rick, Lori, and Carl for vacation. It shouldn't be so hard to find the place. By the time they were in Florida, the sun would've already risen for a new day.

**oOo**

Andrea woke up and thought it was strange that they had stopped moving. It was only then that she realized that Shane had parked on the side of a road. The sun was steadily rising in the sky among the clouds. Andrea looked around, her eyebrows rose in shock. The pristine street her parents lived on was littered with trash, clothes strewn on the grass, and two cars turned over on their sides. She tried not to imagine the scene when the residents realized that the undead had come back to life. Pure pandemonium.

Then she turned and saw her parents' a one-story house. It was the right address—316 Tulip Lane. It was a pale blue house with black trim. As she glanced at the property, she was surprised to see other signs of chaos. She remembered that her parents used to enjoy planting flower beds along the walkway—they had been trampled on. It was a subtle difference from what Andrea was used to seeing at her parents' home, but still noticeable.

"How'd you know?" Andrea asked.

"How'd I know what?" Shane's eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what she meant.

"The address, how to get here." She was aware she was stalling because it suddenly hit Andrea—she didn't know what she'd find.

"You gave it to me, remember? An' I been down here before with Rick, Lori, an' Carl." He chuckled and then pointed at the gun sitting on her lap. "You better take Sweet Piece, get her ready."

Andrea reached for the gun her father gave her. The very same gun Shane had taught her how to disassemble and reassemble. She stared at it, wondering if she'd have to use it…she hoped not.

"What do you think I'll find in there?"

Shane didn't speak for some time as he looked out the window. Andrea noticed he didn't look her in the eye when he finally responded.

"No idea, Drea. Jus' want you to be safe an' prepared for any an' everythin'."

Andrea nodded. "Guess I gotta find out for myself, huh?"

Shane turned to her, a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "I'll be right behind you, darlin'."

Another tense period of silence passed before Andrea got out of the Hyundai and slowly approached the front door to her parents' home—the home she had grown up in after her parents relocated from Jacksonville when she was five years old. She heard a car door slam behind her, but didn't turn around to face Shane. No, she had to do this herself. She finally made it to the door and knocked.

No answer.

"Mom?!"

"Don't be so loud, Drea. We ain't tryin' to advertise ourselves as lunch for stray walkers."

Andrea nodded quickly and knocked on the door again, gently this time. Again, she received no answer. It was strange, since she noticed their car was still parked in the driveway—and they only had one car…What if they had evacuated the area? But wouldn't they have tried to reach out to her to tell her their plans? Then again, how would they be able to reach her, now that everything was gone? They couldn't call her, text her, or send her a letter…

Deciding to find out, Andrea pushed herself to open the door. She grabbed the knob and it wouldn't budge. Without a second thought, she pulled out her gun and shot the doorknob.

"Drea! I told you not to—"

Andrea paid no attention to Shane as she kicked the door open and entered her family's home. As she glanced around, she was surprised to see everything was still the same. Her parents had always been orderly, her mother focused on cleanliness and her father on organization. Nothing was out of place. It was exactly how she had left it. The floors were clean, the books were situated in their shelves in the living room. As she turned the corner and headed to the kitchen, she was shocked to see a pot of water sitting on the stove. It was as if her mother had wanted to boil the water, but had forgotten about it…

She decided not to give it further thought as she went down the hallway and checked her old bedroom that had been converted to a guestroom. Nothing unusual. Same with Amy's bedroom—Amy's paintings of mermaids still decorated the walls. Andrea would've felt comforted by the familiar sight of her sister's bedroom—especially the mermaids—but then the memory of holding her dead sister in her arms crowded her mind and she slammed the door closed, wanting to free herself of that horrific experience.

Then she thought of where she'd find them…

Andrea tiptoed to the master bedroom of the house. They had to be in there. The door was slightly ajar.

"Mom? Dad?"

Why she called out to them, she didn't know. Maybe some last strand of hope that they'd respond if they were in there. Andrea opened the door slowly and stepped inside. It was dark in the master bedroom, although the day was still new. Her parents must've shut the blinders, but even so, some light streamed inside, illuminating a completely empty room. The bed was made, neat just as her mother would've done.

Andrea sighed as she sat on the bed. There was no sign of any of them. Their car was in the driveway, but where were they? Did they leave to find shelter? Did their friends or neighbors drive them away to safety? Did they opt out in such a way that she'd never be able to find their bodies? Did they get attacked by walkers? The questions swirled in her mind with no answers. It was torturous to be inside the house she grew up in and have no hint of what had happened to her parents. It would almost be a relief if she knew they were alive far away or dead close by—but there was nothing. Then a weird thought flashed through her mind: she was the only one left in her family of origin.

The only one…

Everyone else was gone…

The thought terrified her. She had lost Amy. She had no idea where her parents were—if they were dead or alive. The unknown left too many frightening possibilities to consider. It occurred to Andrea that maybe Rick was also wondering where her and Shane had went. They had told Rick they were going on a supply run, but then left the farm and never returned. What if Rick was going through the same frustration of having only questions, but no answers about why she and Shane had never returned?

Andrea took deep breaths as she stood up from the bed, trying to keep calm. Her body was shaking. She couldn't control it. Images of holding her dead sister kept flashing in her mind, only now it was replaced by images of her mother and father… She knew she was imagining the worst, but she couldn't stop it. Andrea felt herself back up against the wall and slide down to the floor. Just then the door burst open and Shane rushed in and quickly turned to her.

"Andrea?! What'd you find—?!" Then he saw her on the floor, holding herself together. "Drea…"

She couldn't articulate the words, although she wanted to scream. He had to know what she meant. She hoped he did. He probably didn't and right now she was too shocked and upset to tell him that her parents had disappeared, they were gone forever. Before she knew it, a monstrous sob from deep within erupted from her and that was it—she was crying uncontrollably. Her arms flailed wildly, indicating the empty room that betrayed no hint of her parents' whereabouts.

Shane stood in the bedroom's entrance. Quietly, he went over to her and knelt down so that he was right beside her. Andrea couldn't get her words out, although he had a gut feeling of what she was trying to say. Either way, he knew no matter what he said, it wouldn't help the immense grief she was experiencing. Grief from having to put down her younger sister. Grief that her parents had vanished with no explanation.

Shane decided to hold her without uttering a word. He knew she wanted him to hold her, to tell her everything would be okay. He wouldn't tell her that though—that everything would be okay. It was a shallow promise, designed to make him feel better and it would only make Andrea feel worse. He knew what he had to do. Shane let his body language do the talking as he gathered Andrea in his arms and held her convulsing body as she sobbed for the next hour…


	18. My Only Answer Was Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale pries into Andrea’s relationship with Shane.

_Love Quote #18 -_ _"Someone asked me what I saw in you, and my only answer was everything."_

**My Only Answer Was Everything**

Andrea sat down on the porch steps of Hershel's home after taking a shower and dressing in a new set of warm clothes. When she had returned from searching for Sophia with Shane, Carol had insisted she get cleaned up. Andrea had wanted to stay with Shane, but to keep everyone happy and not arouse suspicion, she followed Carol's suggestion. They would have dinner in a few hours. For now, she was content to sit by herself. During the time alone, she thought about her time with Shane.

He had pissed her off royally by bringing up Amy, but then apologized for it. They had gone to a settlement where there was no sign of Sophia, but plenty of walkers for her to use as target practice. Shane didn't help her on purpose to see how she would handle everything—and she did fine. Better than she expected. They were driving back to the farm when she impulsively reached and squeezed between his legs. Shane looked at her with intense lust shining in his dark eyes and right away she knew he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him—

"Andrea."

Andrea looked up and saw Dale standing over her. "Huh? Were you saying something to me?"

Dale sighed, frustrated. "I've only been calling your name for the past minute."

 _What do you want?!_ The angry reaction was on the tip of Andrea's tongue, but she reigned herself in. "What is it?"

"You were out with Shane today."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I was. What about it?"

"You spent a lot of time with him."

"Okay and…?" Andrea tried not to let impatience lace her tone. She was getting tired of Dale constantly getting in her face about everything: her wanting to die in the CDC, taking away her gun, and now, her alone time with Shane.

"What were you doing?" Dale hesitated for a moment and then sat down next to her. "You were out there—"

"Looking for Sophia. Nothing more."

Dale was silent for a moment and Andrea hoped he'd drop the topic. But Dale was Dale, and in true Dale form, he pushed for more information, although she knew it'd end up with him claiming to be protective of her.

"What else happened? You both came back empty-handed. It seems like you were doing more than looking for her."

Andrea turned to face him. "What do you think we did, Dale? Have passionate sex in the car?"

Dale's jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock. Andrea remained expressionless. If Dale was going to assume the worst about they had done together, then she might as well put it out there. She was tempted to heap on lavish details of their tryst and chose not to. Instead, she waited for an answer that never came. The silence between them seemed like it would go on forever. When Dale finally spoke, his voice was empty.

"I'm just looking out for you."

"I can look out for myself."

She decided it was best not to continue this conversation. Andrea rose up from the porch, wanting to get away from Dale. Just let him sit there and mull over the fact that Shane and her were growing closer together. It wasn't just sexual, but emotional. They were connecting at a very slow pace, but it was happening, whether Dale liked it or not. She had walked away when she heard him walking up behind her. She was about to turn around to face him when he got in front of her first.

"I've got only one question for you and I promise I'll leave you alone."

Andrea gestured with her hand for him to continue. "Ask away, Dale."

"What do you see in him?"

She was quiet as she contemplated how to answer that question. It felt like a trick question, as though Dale expected her to not be able to answer it or to falter with her words. She reflected on her interactions with Shane. The time when he was kind to her: listening to her talk about her family while he showed her how to disassemble and clean her gun. When he checked on her one day when she was walking around the farm by herself. He was good at pushing people away: the time when he brushed her off in the cemetery. Even his dismissive tone when he told her to "get over it"—this happened around the time when Dale refused to give back her gun.

It was also true that his personality left a lot to be desired. His unapologetic and straightforward manner in which he got his points across: Shane wasn't intentionally mean, even if he grated her (and everyone's) nerves. He knew how to channel his passion: her mind rewound back to earlier afternoon when they were in the Hyundai, their bodies melded together. He also struck her as a loner who yearned for connection, but was unable to have it with the woman he truly wanted: Lori. As all these memories flashed through her mind, Andrea could only think of one way and one word to answer Dale's question:

"Everything."


	19. To See Who Will Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane decides to leave Rick’s group and realizes he’s not completely alone in this world.

_Love Quote #19 -_ _"_ _Sometimes, you need to run away to see who will follow."_

**To See Who Will Follow **

The moment Shane saw Rick exit from the truck, he knew his days were numbered. He didn't want to believe it, but it became absolute truth once Lori forbade him from talking to Carl and blamed him for leaving Rick in the hospital. It didn't matter that he had gotten her and Carl to safety. Nor did it matter that she had started a relationship with Shane. What mattered now was that her husband was back and she didn't need (want?) Shane anymore.

During the time between escaping CDC and traveling on the road, Shane decided to leave the group. It would be difficult, but ultimately, it would be the best thing to do. He could put distance between himself and Lori—as well as Rick. Being far from Lori would hopefully dim the feelings he had for her and removing himself from Rick would taper down the jealousy that was eating away at him. For a brief wishful moment, he wondered if Lori would leave with him, but quickly realized how foolish this was. Of course, Lori wouldn't leave with him. Hell, she didn't even want to speak with him when Rick miraculously showed up at their camp. So that was completely out of the question.

Andrea was the last person he expected to follow him. He had nobody and neither did she. Well, she had Dale, but they hadn't been getting along lately. In time, Shane would find out why, but at that moment in the cemetery when she proposed leaving the group together, he wasn't concerned about why she wanted to leave. He was only focused on himself. In Shane's mind, their interactions were far and few. He didn't understand why a brief conversation in Dale's RV where he showed her how to clean and disassemble her gun meant so much to her—but then again, Shane wasn't ready to admit their interactions that day brought him comfort since he felt rejected by Lori.

So later on, when she followed him outside of Hershel's home and gently (but firmly) confronted him on what he did right—as well as what he did wrong—he thought aloud about how he should've left with her when he had the chance. Shane had come a long way since that time in the cemetery when he first brushed her off. Now he had someone who cared enough to remain by his side; whereas before Lori was quick to abandon him when Rick returned.

To his surprise, Andrea offered to leave with him. If Andrea was the only one who followed him, then he felt relieved knowing that he wasn't completely alone in the world—he didn't have to continue living a lonely existence. He had Andrea, and Andrea had him. They had each other. They could run away together and never look back—and they did. Months later, while watching Andrea sleep curled up in the backseat of their Hyundai, he realized he had ran away to get away from everyone—and to see who would follow him.


	20. What He Took For Granted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane walks around Woodbury while reflecting on his fallout with Andrea.

_Love Quote #20 -_ _"_ _Goodbyes make you realize what you've gained, what you've felt, and what you've taken for granted."_

**What He Took For Granted**

_"_ _I'm done arguing with you, Shane—and I'm done with you!"_

Shane shook himself awake and looked around the living room of the apartment he shared with Andrea. Empty bottles of tequila and gin littered the floor. He didn't remember how much he had drank or how long he had slept. Probably too much of both. Lately, his days had been an endless miserable loop. Drink, sleep, sometimes go outside or stay inside all day, and then rinse, repeat. Yawning, Shane stretched and went over to the window that overlooked the Woodbury community. It was late afternoon and he figured he'd go for a walk and wander around. Andrea wasn't coming back anytime soon from wherever she was.

Andrea.

Where was she? _In Guvnah's bedroom—_ Shane shook his head, refusing to finish that imagined scenario. He needed to get out for a little while. Checking to make sure he had his Mossberg 590 and Glock 17 with him, he left the apartment. Just before leaving, he peeked inside the bedroom, hoping to see Andrea sleeping on the bed. Of course, she wasn't there; it was wishful thinking on his part. _She's with that damn snake charmer,_ he thought as he thundered down the stairs and left the building.

Memories of their last argument flashed through Shane's mind as he wandered around Woodbury by himself. Several nights ago, they had their worst fight. They yelled over each other and neither of them listened to the other. Andrea accused him of only wanting sex from her and Shane accused her of refusing to see the truth in front of her: that Philip Blake was a scheming con-artist. Their arguing felt like it had lasted three hours, although it was far less time than that. So many ugly things had come out of both their mouths, but Shane was stuck on what Andrea had said at the end: that she was done with him. It wasn't an official good-bye, but Andrea hadn't spoken a word to him since then. When he viewed it in that way, it felt like good-bye. No amount of trying to talk to her made her break as she was determined to continue the silent treatment.

There was nothing he could do. Cooking her favorite breakfast and leaving her apologetic notes went nowhere. It wasn't like him to do those things—he was more aggressive, but because that approach didn't work, he thought he'd try something different. He would be mindful of his presentation (which she had tried getting him to see) and be assertive and firm. He had hoped that Andrea would feel less angry and more forgiving, but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

Shane remembered how he saw her several days ago walking around with the so-called Governor of Woodbury—and how she coldly ignored him. That led to him drinking and sleeping at all kinds of weird hours. He did both to avoid thinking about how he was losing her. It shouldn't have taken her shutting him out, for him to fully see how much she meant to him, but unfortunately this was proving to be the case. When he had told her that he wanted her as his partner—someone who would back him just as he backed her up—"my 'partner' doesn't value my worth until someone else sees it" was her response. She was right: he didn't appreciate her until another man took notice… He assumed she'd always be by his side. No matter how awful his presentation was (as she had told him many times) and regardless of their status as friends-with-benefits (or more than friends which Andrea finally revealed to him she wanted)—he believed she'd always be there.

He was wrong.

Shane continued walking down the street towards the gates as he thought over everything. Maybe he could find his new friend, Michonne, so that he could get a woman's take on the situation. Shane admitted he was a womanizer in the past, but now with the world being broken, his focus had changed drastically. Had things been the way they were before the outbreak, he would've wasted no time trying to bed Michonne. Everything was different now—Michonne was a friend who shared the same mistrust and dislike for Philip Blake a.k.a. The Governor (or "Guvnah" as Shane preferred to call him). Michonne also understood the importance of holding onto your weapons and being prepared for anything at any time.

Where was Michonne? He figured he'd go back up the block again. Maybe he'd run into her when he least expected it. Although there were several Woodbury citizens walking around, he refused to interact with them, since most of them sent him glares the second day he and Andrea were there—and all because he carried his firearms in plain sight. It reminded him of how he met Michonne and when she revealed The Governor made her give up her katana. Before they actually spoke, she had been staring at Shane from afar, frustrated that he still had his weapons. The strangest thing was he thought he was reliving that sensation of someone watching him.

Shane turned around, hoping to see Michonne—it was Merle Dixon. Martinez was standing next to him, glaring at Shane. Both men guarded the Woodbury entrance/exit. Of all the people to run into...

"Lookin' for Blondie, Officer Asshole?"

"Yeah, I'm lookin' for Andrea, Mr. Dumbass."

"I bet you wanna know where she's at…or who she's with." Merle smirked.

Shane scowled; he didn't want to spend an ounce of energy on the older Dixon brother, but if Merle knew where Andrea was, then he'd put up with him for the moment.

"Damn right, I wanna know."

"She's with The Governor…" Merle paused for dramatic effect.

"Doin' what?"

"What do you think?" Martinez snapped. "Maybe they're baking cookies."

"Maybe you should shut your stupid mouth." Shane's patience was thinner than a dollar bill.

Merle and Martinez exchanged an amused glance.

"They're bumpin' uglies at his place." Merle stuck out his tongue. "Uhhhhh." He pretended to moan in pleasure while Martinez laughed. "I was hopin' to watch—'caused I wanna see that rug-muncher get turned out!"

"Yeah, you would be all 'bout peepin' in on folks bumpin' uglies, you inbred douchebag."

"What you call me? Come say that to my face, pig!"

Shane chuckled, enjoying Merle's angry reaction. "What'd you an' Daryl do for fun as kids? Watch your first cousins screw aroun'? Oh, that was your toothless Mama an' fat-ass Daddy fuckin' in the trailer."

Before Merle could respond, Shane did an about-face and decided to head back to the apartment. It was obvious that he wasn't going to find Andrea (especially if she was with The Governor), he had no idea where Michonne was, and he didn't want to waste any more time on Merle and Martinez. As he walked away, he heard both men shouting obscenities at him and daring him to come back so they could kick his ass. Shane flipped them the middle finger without turning around and continued walking back to the apartment.

**oOo**

He pushed himself to go up the stairs and was relieved when he made it inside the apartment. Gin would do him good. There had been empty bottles all over the living room floor, but Shane knew he had more bottles of gin and tequila in the kitchen. Right now, he just wanted to drink and sleep. Merle's comments about what Andrea was doing with The Governor had burrowed themselves under Shane's skin. Drinking would distract him from the heaviness he was feeling from that brief confrontation. Shane had his suspicions about what Andrea was doing when she wasn't in the apartment, but he didn't want them confirmed—especially not by The Governor's minions.

He started to twist off the cap off the bottle of gin, when he heard the door open and shut. He walked out of the kitchen and dropped the bottle in shock.

Shane thought he was imagining things at first. This had to be a mirage: Andrea looked amazing. Her blonde hair was shiny and curled around her shoulders, her jeans hugged her in all the right places, and her lavender sleeveless top accented her natural beauty. At times like now, he wondered why he wasted so much time on Lori. Shane shook his head, refusing to go backwards in time. He needed to be in the here-and-now—and he needed to mend the brokenness between him and Andrea.

"Drea?"

She didn't respond, but he knew he heard her because she raced into the bedroom that they had shared the first night. Before he could start towards her, she slammed the door closed. Shane thought quickly of what he'd say to her, although he had a sinking feeling that she would still give him the cold shoulder. He had to try though.

"Drea, we gotta talk."

Silence from the other side.

"We can't keep doin' this. Let's hash this out."

No response. Shane wondered if she was on the other side of the door, listening. He raised his fist to knock on the door and then thought better of it. If Andrea wanted to isolate herself in the bedroom and if she was refusing to answer him, then there was nothing he could do. The sense of powerlessness was overwhelming and he hated it. He was tempted to kick down the door—he knew he could do that easily, he was strong enough—but it wouldn't change anything. It would only worsen the situation. Shane was resigned to the fact that he couldn't get her to respond to him, and that the possibility of her never speaking to him again was becoming a very real possibility.

He shuffled to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Where was his drink? He stood up and looked around. Broken glass and spilled gin was all over the floor. Shane was shocked: he had been so caught up in Andrea being in the apartment that he didn't realize he had dropped the bottle. _What a waste of good gin,_ Shane thought as he went back to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of tequila from the counter. He didn't bother to clean up the gin and broken glass. It wasn't going anywhere and neither was he. There would be more than enough time later on to clean it up. Right now, he needed to drink, so that he could escape. Dropping down to the couch, Shane twisted off the cap from the bottle of tequila and threw it across the room. He laughed when it hit the wall because he imagined it smacking The Governor's face. _Take that, pretty boy Guvnah. Next time it'll be my fists poundin' your face bloody…_

It wasn't long before he consumed half the tequila. Shane knew he could hold his drinks, but right now he felt woozy and the living room squiggled in his vision. From far away, he thought he heard a door open and close. It seemed like Andrea had waited for when she thought Shane wasn't around. Andrea was there one minute, and the next minute she had left the apartment. Shane watched as the door closed behind her; he didn't bother to stop her although it had crossed his mind to block her from leaving. He knew it would be futile to do so because she wouldn't talk to him no matter what he did.

As he finished off the last of the tequila, Shane knew he was stuck in that endless loop again. Drink, sleep, and this time, stay cooped up in the apartment, since he had been outside already. A combination of alcohol, mental exhaustion, and stress had become his daily life and now depression was settling in. It was time to sleep as that was always a peaceful respite. Shane got comfortable on the couch. He'd be there for hours and when he woke up again, he'd figure out his next step, although he had a feeling it would be more of the same. Shane closed his eyes and before he drifted off to sleep, his mind replayed what he had gained, what he felt, and what he took for granted when Andrea was in his life…


	21. Once Upon a Dream...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea’s dreaming leads her to coming back to life.

_Love Quote #21 - “I never knew I had a dream until that dream was you.”_

** Once Upon a Dream…?**

Andrea didn’t enjoy fantasy like Amy. Amy was about the fantastical things in life. She loved mermaids, unicorns, dragons… Andrea often joked that Amy lived in a dream world, since the latter was younger one.

Amy’s death woke up Andrea to the reality of their destroyed world. It made her a realist who isolated herself, while also cocooned in an unrelenting depression. When she wasn’t depressed, she suffered heart palpitations from constant terror.

Being around Shane changed everything. She began to dream without realizing it. She could be brave. She could learn to defend herself. And she could live again.


	22. People Who Wish Upon Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea and Shane learn about each other when they wish upon stars.

_  
  
Love Quote #22 - "People wish upon stars because one day, they hope that those wishes will come true.”  
  
_ **People Who Wish Upon Stars**

“Tell me why we’re doin’ this again, Drea?” Shane asked, trying not to laugh. 

“You know why”, Andrea responded while looking up at the night sky. “I already told you.”

It was a clear night and numerous glittery stars filled the black sky. Andrea lay on her back with her head on his lap so that she could see everything. Shane strained his neck, looking up into the atmosphere. Romantic gestures like this were lost on Shane. He’d rather be doing other things with Andrea under the stars, but he’d go along with it. She told him they had never stopped to appreciate the night sky since leaving Hershel’s farm. So tonight was the night. Hours earlier, they had found a clearing near the edge of a forest and parked the Hyundai. After eating a modest dinner consisting of diced tomatoes and sliced bread with apple sauce for dessert, Andrea brought up the topic and before long, she convinced Shane to do what they were doing now.

Stargazing. 

“Why do people wish upon these things, anyway?”

“What things?”

“The stars. Actin’ like it’s a Disney fairytale or somethin’, sappy an’ fake.”

Andrea shook her head. Then she thought better of it and pinched Shane’s arm. He pulled back his arm while she laughed loudly. 

“What the hell was that ‘bout?” Shane rubbed his right arm where she had playfully pinched him. It didn’t hurt, but it was shocking that she had did something so outright and weird. 

“Pay attention—for what I’m about to tell you is real. It’s legendary.”

Shane scoffed. “Whatcha gonna tell me? You gonna sing me a song ‘bout wishin’ upon a star?”

“Even better.” Andrea’s voice had lowered dramatically and then suddenly she jumped to what seemed like an entirely different topic. “What’s your wish? What do you wish for the most?”

“That’s easy! I wish we’d get hot an’ bothered under the stars tonight, Drea.” He smirked devilishly and she responded with an annoyed expression.

“Stop thinking with the head between your legs. I’m gonna ask you again and be honest this time. What do you wish for the most?”

Shane turned away from gazing at the night sky and now looked down at Andrea. He saw that her eyes were narrowed in concentration as she listened for his answer. She wasn’t joking about this, he realized. After thinking on it for a full minute, he finally had an answer.

“I wish I hadn’t killed Otis.”

“That’s your wish?” She sounded surprised.

“Yeah…I don’t know what else to wish for an’ that was the first thing that popped up in my mind.” 

His original wish was that he would never experience loneliness in his life, but it didn’t make sense to wish that since he was out here with Andrea. At the farm, every time he saw Rick with Lori, loneliness swept over him. It was a loneliness that stemmed from watching the woman he loved and knowing he couldn’t have her. Now that he was out here with Andrea, it was different. Andrea occupied his heart now and he wanted her to stay there for as long as they lived. Ever since leaving the farm together, they had gone through many trials and it was only in the past two months that their bond had deepened. Shane figured his wish had come true since they were together now. But Otis…Otis would never experience Patricia’s love again…and Shane knew that was his fault.

“I wish we had both got out alive…” He shrugged. 

Andrea was quiet and at first, he thought he had wished wrong (if there was such a thing), but then she responded.

“I have a wish for you too, Shane, about that Otis situation.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

He was staring at the stars again. He never looked anyone in the eye when he spoke about Otis. Not even Andrea. Shane knew he never would be able to do so. The guilt and shame never went away no matter how much time went on. Guilt from knowing he did something horrendous that could never be undone. Shame because he hated that he became a murderer into order to save Carl’s life. 

“I wish you would forgive yourself…I wish you wouldn’t keep punishing yourself for it.”

Shane said nothing. He thought he should thank her for what she was telling him, but somehow, it seemed…trivial? Unfair? There weren’t words to describe the blend of sadness, confusion, and gratitude he was feeling at that moment, so he opted for saying quiet. Then he thought better of it and posed a question to her.

“What’s your wish, Drea?”

Andrea smiled in the darkness. “My wish already came true.”

“How’s that?”

“I’m with you, we left the farm…” She caressed his face lovingly. “That was my wish, Shane.”

“No shit.”

“I’m serious. That was my wish ever since that time in the cemetery and it came true.” Andrea yawned as exhaustion suddenly hit her. She didn’t know where it came from, but now she was struggling to stay awake. She had to say one more thing before she fell asleep. “To answer your question from before…” She covered her mouth as she yawned a second time. “People wish upon stars because one day, they hope that those wishes will come true.”

In no time at all, Andrea was fast asleep. Shane didn’t want to move her. She looked so comfortable. After some time, he looked up at the stars again and remembered what he originally wanted to wish for. Andrea wasn’t awake to hear him say it, but that was fine with him. As long as he knew the truth, that’s all that mattered. 

“My wish came true when you asked to leave with me—guess there’s somethin’ to this star-wishin’ business after all.”


	23. Two Outcasts, One Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea is excited about hers and Shane's statuses as outcasts.

_Love Quote #23 -_ _"_ _We're so weird. That's what I like about us, actually."_

**Two Outcasts, One Love**

The first night after they left the farm, Shane and Andrea parked under a lamppost on a deserted street. The lamppost was surprisingly very bright, given the surrounding darkness. She was half-dressed and sprawled on top of him, breathing heavily. He was also half-dressed as they had just engaged in another titillating tryst—this time, he had initiated it. They didn't know it yet, but their abandoning Rick's group would eventually pave the way for them to develop a special bond. Right now, everything was new and they were on different pages, but that didn't seem to be an issue—not for now, at least.

"You know what, Shane?"

"What's that?"

"We're outcasts."

Shane glanced at her quizzically. "You think so?" His voice was emotionless. He refused to reveal his true response. A part of him found it exciting, but it was better—safer for him—to keep his feelings hidden. His chilly response didn't stop her from what she said next.

"I know so. We're the only ones who get it—" A brief smile lit Andrea's face and her tone remained upbeat. "I mean, really get what's going on."

"You right, Drea. We get it, that's why we left—can't be aroun' the dreamers anymore."

He was glad that she understood the world they lived in now. Nothing frustrated Shane more than Rick's and Hershel's naivety. He liked that Andrea listened to him—she got it. Living in a fantasy world wasn't part of her personality—at least, not when it came to walkers. When it came to how she saw their connection, Shane wasn't ready to delve into that. Not yet.

"We're so weird. That's what I like about us, actually."

Shane smirked now. "Nah, girl. We ain't weird at all—we're the sane ones in an insane world."

"You got that right."

When Andrea leaned in to kiss Shane, she was glad he responded. It was true they were outcasts, but she also hoped that one day they would be one love. She had no way of knowing that Shane felt the same way; he was very good at concealing his true feelings. For now though, this would do. They had finally left the farm and they had each other and all was right in their (insane) world.


	24. The Strength to Fight Back and the Courage to Take Risks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea finds that Shane’s love gives her strength, while Shane finds that loving Andrea gives him courage.

_Love Quote #24 -_ _"_ _Being deeply loved gives you strength; deeply loving someone gives you courage."_

**The Strength to Fight Back and the Courage to Take Risks**

"You know what's crazy, Shane?" Andrea stood on the balcony of their condo unit. The thought—or rather the question—popped out of her mouth before she could fully process it.

Shane was standing next to her. Together, they watched as the sun slowly dipped toward the horizon. Watching the sunset had become one of their favorite activities. In the world they lived in now, they were free of the distractions that came from cellphones and Internet. It gave way to appreciate the simple things that they both admitted taking for granted: watching the sky change many different colors during sunset—reds, oranges, yellows, pinks, blues, purples…

"What's that?"

"I never thought of myself as a coward until I lost Amy. I always thought I was brave."

"That ain't true. You're braver than you give yourself credit for."

Andrea shook her head. "After I lost her, I was always afraid."

Shane turned to her and watched as she stared at the brightly lit horizon. The sky was a vibrant reddish-orange. Andrea didn't let on that she noticed Shane watching her. She had that intense focus where he knew nothing would shake her resolve.

"That night changed everythin'."

"It did…" Andrea's voice trailed off.

She remembered how fast Amy's death happened. The camp had let down their guard and Amy went to Dale's RV to use the bathroom. If Andrea could relive that moment again, she'd make Amy stay sitting with the group around the fire. She'd convince her to wait just a few minutes more before going to Dale's RV. Maybe that would've made the difference.

Andrea would never know.

"Life was stomping all over me…" She paused, uncertain of how she was phrasing her feelings, but at the same time, she knew she was overthinking it. "It was driving out whatever fight I had. I wanted to give up."

Shane was silent for some time. He wasn't sure where Andrea was going with this, but he knew he should follow her direction. He spied Andrea's hand on the bannister and gently laid his hand on hers. She responded by leaning in closer to him and resting her head against his chest.

"Then there was you." A throaty laughed escaped from her.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you! If you were a doctor, you'd be fired for having terrible bedside manner!"

Her tone was jovial, but he knew she was right. Shane lacked tact. His brutal honesty made her want to smack him more than once and he ended up making enemies in Rick's group—especially when he was aggressive about his expressing his views.

"The right choice is the one that keeps us alive," he muttered, remembering when he shouted those very words at Rick when they were dealing with Randall.

"You're hotheaded and never sugarcoat anything. Sometimes you're difficult, Shane, but I've grown stronger because of you."

Shane chuckled now. "Nice to know I did somethin' right, huh?"

"It's true." Andrea became serious. "I wouldn't say if it wasn't true."

Andrea believed it because she lived it. Despite his rocky personality and the constant fighting when they first left the farm, Andrea had gained strength from Shane. It would be quite some time before she came to experience how deeply Shane felt for her. In the moment though, he gave her the strength to fight back, defend herself, and hold her own. It was Shane's deep love that showed Andrea that she could still be alive in a dying world. Not just existing—but alive with the fire to want to survive—this meant everything to Andrea, especially considering that she had once considered ending her own life.

"You showed me how to live again—to fight with everything I have. I'll always be grateful for that, Shane."

"I ain't teach you with any love motives in mind," Shane said and he immediately wondered if that sounded rude. Andrea had been helping him improve his presentation since their time on the farm. He amended his words and chose a lighter tone. "Jus' wanted you to know how to take care of yourself, fend for yourself."

Andrea squeezed the balcony's railing and shivered as a cool wind whipped around her. "I know you didn't do it because you loved me, but it was an act of love all the same."

"You right…an' while we're on these 'Love Confessions', I got somethin' for you too, Drea."

Andrea turned to him, a questioning look flashing in her green eyes. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I woulda never left Rick's group if it weren't for you. I planned to stay…" Now it was Shane's voice that trailed off, not wanting to complete that thought aloud. He didn't like being vulnerable, although around Andrea, he had become more open as time passed.

"For your baby? For Lori?"

Shane nodded. He didn't want to voice aloud the obvious. Besides, Andrea already knew.

"You held me accountable, since I was the one that wanted to leave the group. You pushed me to leave. Not a day goes by when I don't wonder 'bout my baby, but—"

He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. Shane often thought of his baby, more than he openly admitted to Andrea. He had long accepted that he would always have questions about his baby—with no answers. At the same time, loving Andrea (although he stifled his true feelings for a long time) gave him the courage he needed to move on from Rick and the group. It gave him the opportunity to find out that there was more to love than this failed relationship with Lori. Having a best friend who carried his dark secrets and didn't judge him for his worst moments, and who didn't walk away from him when he was difficult, but was able to bring out his best side—Shane found his treasure in Andrea. He needed to tell her.

"I found what I needed most, but you gave me the courage to throw it all away, Drea, an' start over new." He paused, hoping his next words rang off sincere because he truly meant them. "Thank you for givin' me that."

Andrea smiled broadly as she joined hands with Shane. The sun had set for the day and night had arrived. Looking forward to another evening spent as best friends and lovers, Andrea and Shane entered their condo unit, silently grateful that they found both strength and courage in each other.


	25. The Nature of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea confronts Shane about his fear of love.

_Love Quote #25 - "To fear love is to fear life."_

**The Nature of Fear  
**

Andrea knew Shane was afraid to love, even though he was too proud to admit it. Because Lori rejected him, Shane now shut out Andrea. He insisted that they were friends, or rather "friends with benefits". Andrea tried to view it as a beginning to what she hoped would lead to a mutually fulfilling relationship, but over time she was forced to accept the truth: Shane was using sex as a barrier to avoid getting close to her. One day, she decided to confront him about his fears. It was more than a week after running into Morales' group and they were on the road again with the same goal of getting to Maryland. Shane drove on a long dirt road and Andrea stared outside the window at the passing trees.

"Why are you so afraid?" She asked, certain that he wouldn't respond to her. Surprisingly enough, he did.

"Afraid of what?"

"Love."

"I ain't afraid of love." Shane scoffed. "An' I ain't a fearful man. Far from it." He glanced at her and then turned his attention to the road again. Something told him this conversation would get heated and he slowed down and then came to a complete stop.

"What're you doing?" Andrea sat up and looked around, shocked that Shane had stopped in the middle of an empty road. There were no signs to indicate what town they were in. "Where are we?"

"Don't matter where we are. Let's settle this once an' for all so it ain't an ongoin' issue," Shane sounded annoyed. "I ain't afri—"

Andrea cut him off. "Love is life and life is living, but you run from it—why?"

Shane stared at her, his dark eyes piercing her green ones. "I don't run. I face what I gotta face."

"You're a dead man, Shane."

Shane slightly recoiled, shocked at Andrea's straightforward demeanor. "Alright, Drea, since you're the relationship expert, why am I a 'dead man'?"

"To fear love is to fear life. Without love, there's no living."

Shane's anger changed to amusement. "What the hell does that mean? You read that in some fancy poetry book or psychology textbook?" He chuckled and shook his head. "Can't believe we're out here an' you're playin' Dr. Andrea Freud."

Andrea bit her lip, wondering if it was a mistake to venture into Shane's psyche. She decided it was best to hold her ground. If she was ever to get through to Shane, she had to remain strong and not back down. Without him saying it, she knew that's what he wanted her to do: drop the topic, never bring it up again, and just accept the fact that he never planned to open his heart to her. Andrea was not such a person. She was determined to prove a point—and she believed that one day he would open his heart to hers, even if right now was not the right time. Out of nowhere, she heard the rumbling of the Hyundai as Shane started it again and pulled away.

"I just know that when you close yourself off from love, you close yourself off to life experiences."

Shane shrugged and focused on driving. He didn't respond and they both knew this was his way of avoiding continuing the conversation—and deflecting from the truth.


	26. When Words Become Unnecessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after their escape from Woodbury, Andrea and Shane bond without uttering a single word.

_Love Quote #26 -_ _"_ _Kiss; a lovely trick designed by nature for when words become unnecessary."_

**When Words Become Unnecessary**

Andrea yawned as she slowly woke up. She was laying on top of Shane, who was still sound asleep. They were situated in the Hyundai's backseat. Luckily, it wasn't too cramped and they were used to sleeping in the backseat. Andrea smiled as she watched the sun slowly rise in the sky, signaling a new day. _New beginnings,_ she thought.

Outside were a row of shops and a few stray cars. It was strange to wake up in a vehicle that had been parked overnight in a shopping center, but it was the norm these days, especially ever since leaving Hershel's farm. They had woken up behind the walls of Woodbury for a short time, where they had been given an apartment to reside in, but that terrible time was over now. Andrea wanted to forget about that time, and yet, she was grateful that Philip Blake's attempts to tear them apart ultimately brought them together. Most of all, she was grateful she had lived to see another day and now that she thought about it more, she'd rather wake up in the Hyundai's backseat in the middle of an abandoned shopping mall and crunched up next to Shane, than in a town overseen by a sociopathic leader whose minions thought nothing of harming them.

Ever since they had escaped from Woodbury, things had changed for the better. Yesterday, they had their most honest conversation to date. It was long overdue and much needed from both sides. Nothing was hidden anymore. Every awful secret and painful regret was now out in the open. The mutual transparency paved the way for their new relationship. Andrea was grateful for it and she knew Shane was too. She didn't want to push it, but the truth was she looked forward to more real shared moments.

Just then, Shane stirred. Andrea caressed his dark curly hair and smiled brightly when he blinked awake. One dark eye met her green eyes; the other eye was still swollen shut thanks to the beating inflicted by Merle and Martinez. Andrea had worked hard to patch up Shane and she knew it was a matter of time before his injured eye was healed. She tried not to wince when she recalled what Shane had shared with her—how The Governor's men had played a sadistic game of heads-or-tails to get information from him about Michonne—and to break him physically and emotionally. All while mocking the fact that The Governor was making moves on Andrea.

Andrea decided not to focus on what they did to Shane or even how she had fallen for The Governor's manipulative ploys. Despite the cruelty they had experienced at Woodbury, they had made it out alive together. Now it was just them against the world as he had told her last night. They understood each other now and she knew things would only get better from here. In a little while, they would continue on their trek to Maryland.

Peace enveloped her as she considered all the possibilities that lay ahead, now that they were together. There was so much she could say, and knowing him, there was a lot he could talk about. Somehow, she knew words weren't necessary. He was on the same wavelength as her. The silence was loud and it was Shane who broke it, when he brought Andrea closer to him and gently kissed her on the lips.


	27. "I wanna deserve you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Andrea want to deserve each other—especially after seeing and learning about the best and worst in each other.

_Love Quote #27 -_ _"_ _It's not that I want to have you. I want to deserve you."_

**"** **I wanna deserve you"**

Andrea gently pulled away from Shane, breaking their silent kiss. It was the morning after they escaped from Woodbury and they were situated in the Hyundai's backseat where they had fallen asleep. Shane had just woke up and greeted her with a kiss. She had enjoyed the kiss, especially knowing that it wasn't easy for Shane, given his injuries. His lips were still puffy, but that hadn't stopped him from kissing her. Andrea sat against the window as Shane slowly situated himself in the backseat. They stared at each for a short time and Andrea wondered why Shane was looking at her so strangely when he finally spoke up.

"I wanna deserve you, Drea." Shane's voice was hoarse. "It ain't enough to have you or want you—"

"What do you mean 'deserve'? We have each other, Shane." She leaned forward and reached out to caress his face. He held her hand there on his cheek and then gently let it go. "It's nothing to do with what you or me 'deserve'…why would you think that?"

Shane sighed and stared through the window past Andrea. He thought of everything that happened yesterday. After putting distance between themselves and The Governor and Woodbury, they had argued—and then they had their most open and real conversation. He had opened up to her about Lori, his baby, the CDC—Shane shook his head, not wanting to replay that shameful scene in his mind. He had revealed everything, exposed his darkest secrets—all while knowing he risked losing her. He already came close to losing her in Woodbury because how he had treated her. The Governor's false charm made everything worse, but now it was only him and Andrea in the car—yesterday—and today.

His demons today were the same as yesterday's. It was only him and Andrea—and every awful secret and painful regret out in the open for her to critique, analyze, and judge. Last night, he had fallen asleep after the physical and emotional exhaustion caught up to him. When he had woke up this morning, Andrea surprised him by returning his kiss. Such a simple loving gesture meant everything to Shane. It meant Andrea was still with him—that she hadn't abandoned him after learning the truth about Otis.

Otis…

His darkest and ugliest secret. The one secret that forever changed him. He had let the man get devoured alive by walkers, just so he could save his own life in order to save Carl's. The supplies had to get back to Carl, so that Carl could live, but in doing so, he killed Otis—he sacrificed an innocent man who ended up dying a horrible death. _I ain't a hero—I'm a murderer._ For so long (and although he would never admit it to her or himself), Shane wanted Andrea to love him—he wanted to feel that he deserved her—but would she love him now that she knew he had killed someone? Would she be able to see him as a flawed human being who had made terrible choices for the right reasons—or as less than human, dangerous, and someone she should permanently cut out of her life?

It wasn't just what he had done to Otis. It was everything else—brooding over Lori ever since they left the farm and his awful treatment of Andrea. Did he really deserve her affection? Was he worthy of Andrea's respect? After he had talked down to her and acted controlling? Even if he meant well because he knew Philip Blake was a master manipulator, he had still behaved horribly and pushed her away. He had refused to connect with her because of his fears of losing her. He had lost Lori and he wasn't going to lose Andrea. Ironically enough, his trying to keep her far from his heart, while still trying to tether her to him, eventually caused Andrea to decide to break off from him. But he knew his demons stemmed from being unable to let go of Lori.

Losing Lori to Rick—although Lori had been with Rick first—was still difficult for his heart to accept. He had loved her; they had grown closer after he got her and Carl to safety, but then Rick returned and everything between him and Lori was over—everything except his yearning to be with her. Experiencing that harsh loneliness of wanting to be with someone who he couldn't be with, especially when that someone was right there, caused him to isolate himself more.

Even when Andrea offered him friendship that day in the cemetery and they finally left the farm, Shane figured having a sexual relationship with Andrea would keep his real feelings for her at bay. He could protect himself if he focused on enjoying her body and didn't allow himself to get emotionally attached to her. Although they had bonded on the farm during their walks, shooting lessons, and shared a tryst—Shane still wanted to keep Andrea out of his heart. When they were in Woodbury everything changed because The Governor's mind games forced him to face the truth: he loved Andrea and he wanted her in his life. And now, in the middle of nowhere with just him and Andrea, he wanted to know that he deserved her. He decided to ask her the same question that he brought up yesterday…

"Drea, I know I asked you already, but I gotta know…"

"Know what?" Andrea led him when she saw him hesitating.

Shane looked directly at her now. "After everythin' you learned 'bout me, you still wanna ride with me?"

He thought the moment of truth had arrived yesterday, but then Shane realized Andrea had time to think over everything he had told her, and he had to know for certain: did Andrea truly want to be with him, and more importantly, did he deserve her?

Andrea moved closer to Shane, closing the gap between them in the Hyundai's backseat. Taking her hand in his hand, she squeezed it tightly.

"You know the answer, Shane, but yes, I still wanna ride with you—and that's not all."

Shane's eyebrows rose. "Yeah?"

"It's not a matter of whether we deserve each other or not. Look, you're not the only one who screwed up. In Woodbury, I was your worst enemy. I backstabbed you in the worst way. I gossiped about you to The Governor, told Merle where you hid your gun so he could steal it." Andrea shook her head, indicating she was disgusted with herself. "I gave you the silent treatment for a week, ignored all your attempts to work things out, and I…"

Now it was Shane who led Andrea. "You did what?" There wasn't a hint of anger in his tone.

Andrea swallowed nervously. "I chose the man who had you beaten within an inch of your life," she paused, choking back tears. Tears that she had shed yesterday, now returned today and she wiped her face. "I don't think it's matter of whether you deserve me, Shane. No, the question is whether I deserve _you_."

Shane was quiet as he thought about what Andrea told him. Then he knew the answer to the question that haunted them. The question of whether or not they deserved each other. He had told her the answer yesterday and now he realized that answer held true for today—and for however long they would be together…

"It's like I told you yesterday, Drea. I'm with you an' you're with me. I'm yours an' you're mine." Shane brought Andrea close to him and kissed her affectionately. When he broke the kiss, Shane offered a confident smile and was glad to see her show the same emotion: happiness, relief…and love. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	28. Three Powerful Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea reflects on Shane’s declaration of love.

_Love Quote #28. "_ _No three words have a greater power than "I love you"."_

**Three Powerful Words**

_"_ _Drea…I love you…I think you love me."_

Andrea always thought she'd be the first to say "I love you" in her relationship with Shane. Especially since she caught feelings first (and openly expressed them), it only seemed to be the natural conclusion. Also considering how Shane once told her that there was never love between them—the idea of him saying those three powerful words to her was nothing more than a silly girlish fantasy. She had imagined him telling her so many times, but the fantasy always withered away because of how often Shane dismissed her.

She knew by now that Shane had been lying when he said there was no love between them. Shane hadn't been intentionally hurtful—he had lied to protect himself at the time. He was too afraid to take a chance on love again, although he would deny feeling that way. He didn't want to lose and end up lonely as he had when Lori rejected him after Rick's return.

So when Shane actually told her that he loved her—after she got him through a herd of walkers by slathering human guts all over themselves—Andrea was shocked. Then again, when she further reflected on it, she wasn't fully surprised. The time and place wasn't romantic. There was no beautiful sunrise, no inspiring sunset, and no blue-black sky filled with twinkling stars. They weren't on a fantastic date that would lead to a long night of passionate lovemaking.

They were living in a new world now and their journey to Maryland had already its twists and turns. They had just survived a walker herd, had barely escaped alive from Joe and the Claimers, and lost all their supplies. They didn't have the Hyundai anymore. All they had was the clothes on their backs, the few weapons they had managed to hold onto—and each other. They stunk of decomposition and human entrails, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that Shane had told her his truth—the truth that he had kept from her for a long time…and had even kept from himself.


	29. The Weathered Journey of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane finds a poem that Andrea has written about their times together.

_Love Quote #29 - "Nothing is more beautiful than a love that has survived the weathered journey of life."_

**The Weathered Journey of Life**

**_Through it all  
_ ** **_we survived it all  
_ ** **_because we found  
_ ** **_each other_ **

**_From the camp in Atlanta  
to the CDC  
where I almost said good-bye to life  
and hello to Amy again…_ **

**_To the highway graveyard  
_ ** **_You were there  
_ ** **_I was there  
_ ** **_we just didn't see other  
_ ** **_not then…not yet_ **

**_Then there was the farm  
_ ** **_but before that, the cemetery  
how sad is it  
_ ** **_that we were in a place where the dead rest  
although it was apparent  
_ ** **_that you and i  
_ ** **_were dead inside  
_ ** **_and everyday in that group  
_ ** **_felt like we were  
_ ** **_the walking dead_ **

**_I told you I'd cover you  
_ ** **_if you'd let me join you  
_ ** **_I was ready then, but you weren't  
_ ** **_not then…not yet_ **

**_Then one day we left  
_ ** **_and never looked back  
_ **

**_We ran into old friends  
_ ** **_and made new friends  
_ ** **_wolves in sheeps' clothing_ **

**_How ironic  
_ ** **_that we began  
_ ** **_just as we were  
_ ** **_on the verge of ending_ **

**_He threatened to end your life  
_ ** **_after knowing I was about to  
_ ** **_walk out on you  
_ ** **_That was when I knew  
_ ** **_i'd do anything to  
_ ** **_save your life  
_ ** **_and be by your side  
_ ** **_honor the vows  
_ ** **_we made in the cemetery_ **

**_I used what you taught me  
_ ** **_against him  
_ ** **_we barely made it out alive  
_ ** **_but I know that if the dead weren't alive  
_ ** **_we would've never met each other_ **

"We would've never met each other…"

The last line trailed off quietly from Shane who sat on the sofa in the living room of their condo. He looked at the other papers stacked behind the one he was reading from. Apparently, Andrea's poem was quite long. He had only read the first two pages. Shane skimmed it and realized she had covered from the time they met to their current status: living in Maryland. There were several words and even entire passages crossed out, notes written in the margins, arrows pointing in different directions, red and black pen ink. Some of it looked confusing and he couldn't tell what was what. He figured Andrea knew, since she was the writer making edits and changes. Shane was about to continue reading when he heard footsteps behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Andrea standing in the living room's entrance, wearing a bright orange terrycloth robe. She looked like she had been sleeping and had just woke up.

"Reading my poem, Shane? It isn't finished yet." Andrea smiled as she sat down next to him.

Shane went to the last page and read the last line aloud. _"Nothin' is more beautiful than a love that has survived the weathered journey of life."_ He handed her the papers and she took them. "Sounds finished to me."

"It's a rough draft."

"Didn't know you were a poet, Drea." Shane was impressed. "Gotta say, it's really good. You nailed jus' 'bout everythin' we went through together on the road."

"I did, but now it's time to cover our lives in Maryland. Some of that's in there, but I may edit it, change it around. That's why it's not finished. I may do a series of poems." Andrea yawned, clearly tired.

"Did you always write?"

"I used to write a lot in law school—it kept me sane."

Shane chuckled and then became serious. "What made you write 'bout us?"

Andrea was quiet for a moment before she responded. "I was thinking of how the brokenness of the outbreak brought us together. What our lives would be like if we had never crossed paths—and then I thought of all the crazy adventures we had trying to get here to Maryland."

"Well, it's a good thing we _did_ cross paths, huh? All the death an' chaos, but in the end, we found each other."

"Uh-huh, that's the theme. Too bad I haven't thought of a title yet."

"I got your title. Pass me the papers." Shane held out his hand and Andrea gave him back the poem. "It's right here in the last line—'the weathered journey of life'." He pointed it out to her.

Andrea tilted her head in thought and then a weary smile flashed across her face. "Works for me."


	30. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane risks his life and Andrea puts aside her pride.

_Love Quote #30 - "Love is when you would willingly give up everything if it meant they would smile."_

**Sacrifice** _  
_

_Shane_

Andrea's constant panic attacks have replaced her dazzling smile. Shane knows she doesn't want to die as a Savior. What he thought was home, is in actuality, a terrifying prison.

Her safety is paramount, but she's in danger every day. Negan's violent tyranny and his ridiculous rules ensure they're only a hair away from severe punishment. They didn't leave Rick's group only to end up as walkers chained to a fence.

The only option? Escape. Run away and never look back. Shane is willing to risk a final and fatal meeting with Lucille—if it means Andrea will smile again…

_Andrea_

Shane's well-intentioned; but wrong choice, could lead to their excruciating deaths. Andrea knows she can bring up how she was right and he was wrong—but yelling "I-told-you-so!" won't solve anything.

She observes Shane struggling everyday as a Savior. Being bloodthirsty was never in his character. He regrets convincing her to sneak to The Sanctuary. When he mentions escaping, she's on it.

Gathering supplies, she finds the very thing that will make Shane smile again. It comes in the form of a map with three major locations: Virginia, Washington D.C. and Maryland.

Now all they have to do is leave.


	31. "When you're sure they won't laugh..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale shares with Andrea his experience with love and his late wife, Irma, while Andrea wonders if it applies to her and Shane.

_Love Quote #31 -_ _"_ _You have to walk carefully at the beginning of love. The running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later, when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."_

**"** **When you're sure they won't laugh…"**

Andrea waited for Dale outside of Hershel's home. She had wanted to meet with him this afternoon and remembered that Dale was pleasantly surprised. These days, the tension between Dale and Andrea tended to drive them apart. At the same time, his age lent itself to wisdom. Dale could be prying at times, but she realized she needed to get his opinion on something, or at least, learn from his experiences. He agreed to meet with her once he was done speaking with Hershel. Andrea sat on the porch steps—a place she usually stayed around when she was trying to gather her thoughts. Just then, the door opened and Dale exited from Hershel's home.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Andrea. I was talking to Hershel about some concerns he had, but I'm all yours now."

Andrea stood up and noticed Dale appeared to be in a good mood. He was probably glad she had asked to speak with him, especially since their recent interactions were strained. She was going to ask about what he and Hershel had discussed, but decided not to go in that direction.

"What did you want to ask me about?" Dale slowly walked down the steps.

Andrea stood up as she pulled out her ponytail. She hoped she wasn't being too obvious as she tied her hair back from her face. "I wanted to ask you about love—your experiences, I mean."

Dale paused on the last step and studied Andrea, as though trying to read her mind. Andrea could feel him probing without him uttering a syllable. Dale was perceptive and she had a feeling he knew what this was really about. Then Dale shook his head as he met her on the ground.

"You want to know about Irma?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I was just wondering since you've only brought her up sparingly."

Dale gestured towards the open expanse of Hershel's property and he and Andrea started to walk together. "Let's walk and talk. Irma..." He sighed as he remembered his deceased wife. "She was the love of my life as you know. We were together for twenty years or so, when she fell ill to cancer…" His voice trailed off.

Andrea listened. She had heard of Irma before, how Dale had planned to take her for a road trip across the country in their newly purchased RV, and how she died of cancer…

"I wasn't accepting of her prognosis and diagnosis, but she was. I wanted more time with her, but we never have control over those things."

They headed towards the fence surrounding the Greene farm. It was the same fence where Shane had told Andrea about "turning off the switch" when it came to making split-second life-or-death decisions. She tried not to think about that now as she focused on Dale.

"Do you remember what it was like when you fell in love with her?" Andrea wanted to know without explaining why she was asking.

Dale stopped walking and smiled widely. "I do—I'll never forget it. I met her at a mutual friend's birthday party. We talked for most of the night and exchanged phone numbers. I called her when I got home—" he sighed as he relived the memory. "I couldn't wait to speak with her again."

Andrea nodded, but inwardly, she was inpatient. She wasn't sure how to ask for what she wanted to know. Maybe she was overthinking it and should just ask. "How did you get past the hurdles in the beginning?"

They had resumed walking when Dale stopped again. He looked concerned. "Hurdles?"

"Yeah, like you know how things are exciting in the beginning, but sometimes it's slow because you're still getting to know each other? How did you go from that phase to being comfortable with Irma? Where you felt completely open to being yourself; vulnerable."

Dale laughed softly. "Andrea, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you've never fallen in love before and I know that's not true."

Andrea smiled now as they started walking again, still near the fence on the Greene farm. "No, I've definitely fallen in love before, but this is different."

Dale stopped again and this time, his expression was serious. Andrea had seen him like this before: Dale's eyebrows were furrowed in thought as he tried to discern what she was really asking him. She didn't want him to ask—

"Is this about Shane?" There was an uneasy note in his voice now. "Are you in love with him? You both have been hanging out a lot lately."

She knew to change the topic. "We hang out a lot, but no, I'm not in love with Shane."

Dale was quiet and Andrea knew he knew the truth. That didn't mean she would openly admit it—especially not to Dale.

"I just want to know about you and Irma, that's all." She hoped she sounded convincing. She didn't think so, but then he responded.

"You have to walk carefully at the beginning of love. The running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later, when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."

They continued walking side by side and were almost done completing a loop around the property and would soon head back to Hershel's home.

"You mean be cautious in the beginning?"

Dale nodded in agreement. "Well, yes. You're getting to know each other—and it takes time to let your guard down, just as it does for the other person. Just be yourself, Andrea, and let that man—whoever he is—and God, I hope it's not Shane—"

Andrea groaned in frustration. "It's not Shane. Relax, Dale, I know what I'm doing."

"It's not you, it's him…" Dale shook his head, this time showing his own annoyance. "Just know that whoever he is, that he should love you for you. Sometimes it's hard to open up, but once you do, if it's the right man, then they will have your back and you will have his. So if you do run and trip, they will be there to catch you if you fall. They won't laugh when you mess up."

She didn't respond after this and he had nothing more to add. Andrea and Dale walked back to Hershel's house in silence, each one buried in their own thoughts. She felt she had gotten what she wanted—Dale's take on falling in love, being real with the person you care about most. She only hoped that in sharing his experience, that Dale felt at peace with it although he already suspected that she was falling for Shane. Deciding it was better to leave on good terms, Andrea thanked him when Dale reached the top step of the porch.

"Thank you, Dale. I appreciate you sharing with me about Irma."

Dale stared at her for some time before nodding slowly. He still wore a perturbed expression. "You're welcome. Just guard your heart. That's all I can say Andrea."

With nothing else to add, Dale entered Hershel's home. He didn't turn around to see Andrea again as he was trying to sort out in his mind if Andrea really was in love with Shane and what he could do to make her see that he wasn't the right man for her. Rather than do that, Dale finally decided to leave it alone. He was given a chance to bond with Andrea again, which was enjoyable, especially given the uncomfortable tension between them that existed ever since he talked her out of leaving the CDC so that she wouldn't kill herself.

Andrea watched Dale go inside. She was silently thankful for the conversation they had, but she didn't want Dale to keep asking about her and Shane. What he had shared about him and Irma, and more so, the nature of love and developing relationships gave her enough food for thought. She considered what it may mean for her and Shane, especially since he was so distant due to his issues with Lori. Although she didn't know the full story of what happened between Shane and Lori, Andrea knew it amounted to a terrible falling out. She sensed he kept her at a distance, although they had been bonding more, which Dale observed. When she was sure Dale was inside Hershel's home, Andrea resumed her sitting position on the porch steps so that she could contemplate their conversation for the rest of the day—and how it may apply to her and Shane in the future.


	32. Until the Hour of Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea realizes how much she loves and misses Shane after Negan forces their separation.

_Love Quote #32 -_ _"_ _Love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation."_

**Until the Hour of Separation**

Andrea waited on the cot for Molly, Michelle, and Paula to arrive. Resting on her lap was the sniper rifle she had picked out in the armory the day before. Today they would take her out and test her to see if she really was "Annie Oakley" as Negan called her…to determine if she was worthy of joining the Saviors. She was surrounded by a section of the workers area of The Sanctuary. Each side was covered with a sheet or blanket. That's how the workers lived: cramped quarters, separated by sheets, and a stiff cot and stained pillow for sleeping. She shared dinner the night before with another family who had been gracious enough to give her their meager offerings.

When she remembered eating the small meal and how she tried to make it last, it brought back the misgivings Andrea had about Shane's plan to sneak into The Sanctuary. How did Negan boast of having so much to live on, so-called "Easy Street"—when a family of four was reduced to eating from two cans of tuna, stale bread, and flat soda? Was it easier to live as a high-ranking Savior? Were there more luxuries afforded to them? Shane seemed to think so and had demanded that he and Andrea be made lieutenants right away. This amused Negan who thought it was better to separate them and put them through their own trial periods. To break them or see what they were made of, Andrea didn't know, but this was the first time they had been forcefully separated.

Every other time, Shane and Andrea had separated of their own accord. When Andrea hung around Philip Blake in Woodbury; that was her own choice. When Shane isolated himself in their Hyundai during their brief stay with Morales' family, he decided that on his own. Negan was the first one to force their separation. Andrea wondered how Shane was faring—where had they taken him? What did they plan on making him do for his initiation? Andrea knew they were being initiated as part of their process to join the Saviors, like a street gang. Negan would do everything he could to break both their wills—including separating them. Andrea wasn't there to encourage Shane, and Shane wasn't there to protect Andrea. Vice-versa and it was still the same with Shane not being there to encourage Andrea, nor was Andrea there to protect Shane.

Now Andrea had to depend on her own strength to get through whatever lay in store for her. She sat on the cot and kept her hands folded on her lap, to prevent herself from wringing her wrists or pulling at her fingers. She was determined not to let any of her inward fear show itself outwardly. Right now, she had internalized Shane in her mind, and she hoped he had done the same when it came to her. She remembered everything he had taught her about fighting and survival. Reminiscing about the times they had laid in each other's arms, the times they defended each other, and all the times they helped each other. Every moment, when they openly expressed their love—and even all the tough moments, the bitter arguments, the tense silences…she would do anything to have Shane at her side.

Just then, the sheet curtain was pulled to the side and Paula stepped in, uninvited. Molly and Michelle trailed behind. Torn from her thoughts about Shane, Andrea looked into Paula's dark carnivorous eyes.

"You ready to go?"

Paula didn't even greet Andrea. Of course not. Andrea already sensed how much Paula despised her. She decided not to dwell on it. Molly nodded at her and Michelle gave her a half-smile that looked more like a grimace. They weren't so bad and Andrea figured she could get used to being around them. Shane flashed through her mind again and she decided she would focus entirely on him. Everything she did today was about getting back to Shane. She clutched the sniper rifle in a tight grip as she rose to her feet. Paula didn't bother to wait and left the area. Molly and Michelle followed right after her.

"Let's go, Shane." Andrea whispered as she felt the cold metal in her fingers and trailed after the female Saviors. It amazed her that she didn't know how much she loved Shane until they were separated. Her only solace was that if she couldn't have him physically with her, at least he would always be with her in her heart and mind.


	33. "This moment is all that matters"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea gets Shane to reflect on his decision to escape the Sanctuary and not help Rick or The Hilltop against Negan.

_Love Quote #33 -_ _"_ _Right now, I can't remember yesterday, and I don't care about tomorrow. This moment is all that matters."_

**"This moment is all that matters"**

The supermarket was filled to the brim with supplies—food, beverages, toiletries, and so much more. Andrea suggested they make a game of it to see who could get the most supplies in five minutes with their shopping carts. Then they would meet at the cash registers up front to compare their spoils. Naturally, Shane beat her to it. His cart was full to the brim with all sorts of supplies: cans of peanut butter and jelly, Ritz crackers, potato chips of all different flavors, puddings, beers, juices, granola bars, and canned beans. He placed them on the conveyor belt. Before the world ended, Shane would’ve whipped out this credit card to pay for everything. Now, he just sorted out the food to see what was freshest. He had also made sure to pick up other needed items. Just then, Andrea arrived with her shopping cart.

“You beat me to it, Shane!” 

“You snooze you lose,” he chuckled and watched as Andrea searched through the items in her cart. 

Soft drinks, seltzer, canned meats, a can-opener, bottled waters, beef jerky, tomato paste, dried fruit and medical supplies—good stuff that they could live on for some time. Now all their spoils were together and they started sorting everything. Shane sat on the conveyor belt on one lane while Andrea sat on the one adjacent to him. He grabbed a beer and an apple. Andrea took a bag of potato chips and bottled seltzer. 

“Good thing we got that van, huh?” Shane asked, recalling a blue van that he had hotwired a month ago. They had found it on a side road and abandoned the motorcycle they had stolen from The Sanctuary.

“Yeah, we got plenty of space for all our supplies,” Andrea said, smiling. “We just have to get more gas. Last I looked, the tank was half-empty.”

“It’ll get done, darlin’. For now, we get to relax for a minute before hittin’ the road again.”

They ate in silence for some time. Andrea then pressed forward with a question that had been on her mind for the past few days. 

“Do you ever think about yesterday? I mean, how far we’ve come since leaving the farm?”

“Sometimes, but then again…” Shane’s voice trailed off as bit heartily on a red apple and chewed. “I can’t remember yesterday—I can, but I ain’t goin’ backwards.”

“I just wonder sometimes about how we ran off from Negan. We barely got away with our lives.”

“Kinda like dealing with Guvnah?”

Andrea shook her head. “No, Negan was worse. He sent Gavin and those guys to kill us. The Governor didn’t even send Merle and Martinez to track us down.”

“Shocked, huh?”

“I just wonder if we should’ve helped out Jesus—or Rick, even. He made sure I saw a doctor when I was sick and Rick was our friend—” Andrea stopped when she noticed Shane’s facial expression change to a somber one, his eyes downcast. “What’s wrong?”

Shane put down the beer he was drinking. “I know you think I’m a selfish asshole for not doin’ anythin’ to help ‘em against that baseball-bat wieldin’ prick.”

She shook her head. This wasn’t the direction she was going in, but now that they were here…

“Right now, I can't remember yesterday, an’ I don't care ‘bout tomorrow. This moment is all that matters.” He faced her directly now. “We woulda never had this moment or many other future moments if we had fought alongside Jesus.”

Shane’s voice sounded stilted and for a moment, Andrea wondered if he felt guilty about any of his past decisions, especially where it concerned Negan. She gently posed the question.

“Ain’t nothin’ to feel guilty ‘bout. Reason I didn’t help Rick’s group you know already—I’ll never be able to look him in the eye after standin’ there watchin’ as Negan killed Glenn. I did nothin’ to stop it. An’ Jesus…” Shane gave a shrug that at first glance came off nonchalant, but when Andrea thought about it more, it was more sad and regretful. “He was a good friend an’ I’ll always be grateful that he got you the medical help you needed, but I wasn’t gonna put my neck or your neck on the line knowin’ that Gregory wanted us gone. He woulda turned us over to the Saviors.”

“You’re right. Gregory never wanted us there.” 

She really believed what he was saying, but there was still a nagging feeling in the back of her mind. The weirdest thing was she didn’t know what triggered these questions. Nothing recently had happened out of the ordinary. They were enjoying a quiet life in Maryland where it was only them and no one else—no groups, no random strangers. They hadn’t found permanent shelter yet, but every day they kept looking. Andrea was quiet as she stared down at the bag of potato chips in her hands. 

“Were you always like this?”

Shane was taken back. “Always like how?”

She bit her lip as she thought about how to ask him about himself. “Laser focused on those you love.” 

Even as she said the words, she chided herself inwardly. Of course, Shane honed in on those he cared about—his difficulty with letting go of Lori proved that. Although Andrea knew that to be the case, she didn’t dare bring up Lori’s name, especially since Shane had finally moved on from that troubled relationship. 

Shane ran a hand over his hair in a familiar habit that revealed his anxiety. “Yeah I do that—I focus on those I care ‘bout most. Does that make me selfish?”

Andrea noticed he had used the word “selfish” a second time. “Well…yes and no—I mean, yes because we could’ve helped them. No, because it shows you’re loyal to those you love.” She was back at square one again. Why was she asking him about their past? They had gotten away alive—wasn’t that the most important thing?

“We coulda, but we didn’t. An’ I’m gonna tell you why.” Shane put the apple to the side. “I dragged you to the Sanctuary—”

“No, you didn’t, Shane, I told you—”

He held up his hand, indicating to let him speak his truth. “Lemme finish an’ you’ll understand. I get what you’re sayin’, Drea, but my main thing was to get you out of there an’ get us to safety. By then, it wasn’t jus’ ‘bout crossin’ into Maryland. It’s what I always told you: the right choice is the one that keeps us alive.”

Andrea nodded as she listened. Somehow she knew it would come back to that.

“Look—Negan wanted us dead—or me with a bashed in skull. He woulda made you his wife in that harem an’ I know that scared the hell outta you. Joinin’ up with Rick again, I told you why I didn’t. Jesus was reliable, but I never trusted that lame-ass fool Gregory. An’ the truth is—we were in that mess ‘cause I dragged you in.”

Shane paused at that moment. The silence crept around Andrea. She didn’t want to openly admit he was right: Shane _had_ dragged her into that situation. She made her decision to follow him in joining the Saviors, but it wasn’t like she was excited to do so and she never felt safe in The Sanctuary. Not once. As though knowing Andrea silently agreed with him, Shane continued.

“I felt awful knowin’ how scared you was to be there, so the best thing I could do was to get us out of there—put as much miles as I could between us an’ Negan. So much that he ain’t gonna bother trackin’ us down. Especially after we took care of three of his punks an’ released Gavin to go back.”

Andrea locked eyes with Shane and he stared back at her, his expression serious. It always amazed her how much depth there was to the emotions he felt. Realizing that Shane’s reasons for focusing mainly on her and not anyone else, was because of his love for her—and not because he didn’t care about others—hit her hard. He felt immense guilt for convincing her to join the Saviors with him to the extent that when they escaped the oppressive Sanctuary, her safety and well-being was primary over everyone else—including their past friends and allies. 

“I want us to stay alive for as long as we can, Drea. That’s all. No matter where we started or where we end up—yesterday is done an’ tomorrow ain’t here yet. This moment, what I have right here with you—that’s all that matters. I’d escape from that hellhole again if it meant I had you by my side.” 

Without another word, Shane got off the conveyor belt and went to look for more supplies. Andrea thought to follow him, but decided to stay where she was and ponder over the conversation they just had. When she considered it more, she realized Shane was right and that she felt the same way—regardless of what lay ahead or behind them, this very moment was all they had—and she was grateful for it. 


	34. The Nature of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane recalls when Rick shares with him about how love changed his life, and then he realizes how loving Andrea has impacted his life.

_Love Quote #34 -_ _"_ _When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything."_

** The Nature of Love  
**

Shane sat in the patrol car, listening to Rick go on about married life: living with Lori and raising Carl. He reached for the French fries that he and Rick had brought at McDonalds. Shane chewed his fries as Rick pontificated about his life. He always considered himself the devilish one, while Rick was the more angelic of their brotherhood and friendship. Total opposites and yet best friends since high school, the two men couldn't be more different.

While Rick was having a passionate night with Lori, celebrating their wedding anniversary, or having a family dinner at Carl's favorite restaurant, (it was always family oriented)—Shane was at the local bar hitting on any woman who caught his eye with the intentions of bringing her back home to his bed. When the morning came and the woman left his bedroom and ultimately, his apartment (because they never made his way into his heart, Shane made sure of that), it was only a day's time before the pattern repeated itself. Shane would slap some breakfast together, shower, dress, go to work with Rick— they were both sheriff deputies—and have a slow boring day or a fast-paced one that was nonstop until he clocked out. When night came, it was Round Two to see which woman would satisfy his lustful fantasies. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd pick up _two_ women tonight, bring them back for a salacious—

"Are you listenin' to me, Shane?"

Shane turned to Rick, who had a serious expression on his face. "'Course I am. You were sayin' Lori made you your favorite dinner last night. Roast beef, beef stew, somethin' like that."

"No, I wasn't sayin' that at all."

Shane stared through the windshield of their patrol car, watching the traffic go by. Today was a slow day. It meant it would take forever for work to end and he'd get home later than expected to get ready for the night. Who knows, the woman he would've enticed would already be taken by another man who made it to the bar before he did.

"Listen to me—you've been jumpin' from woman to woman for years. I know you think you like it, but when's the last time you've been happy? And I mean truly happy."

"I was happy watchin' those legs until you interrupted my fantasy—er, my concentration." Shane grinned as he pointed across the street at a petite brunette wearing a mini-skirt. Damn, what he'd do to sweet-talk that woman, bring her to his bed, strip off her clothes, slide off those bra and panties, run his hands all over her curves, spread her legs—

"I'm talkin' about more than jus' happiness, Shane. Are you at peace with yourself?"

Shane scowled now. There was no way Rick was lecturing him about having "peace with yourself". Although Shane felt no shame about his womanizing behavior, he didn't know how it started. He had always been attracted to girls when he was growing up, and as an adult, he was fond of women from all different cultures. He didn't have the intense need to settle down as Rick had. Sometimes, he thought back to his high school days when that gym teacher—

Shane shook his head, refusing to think about it.

He would never know the full ramifications of the gym teacher's actions, how it molded and shaped him…how it impaired his ability to have stable relationships with women… He had always bragged that he had "hit it with an older chick"…but he never stopped to consider that her actions were abusive due to the age difference and power differential. And Shane would never delve into that part of his psyche—it was dark and fractured. There was no desire to revisit it. It was just as well—he'd continue sleeping with women and discarding them. What was the fun in saddling down with one woman anyway?

"You ain't gonna preach to me, brother—not when twenty-four hours from now, you gonna be sittin' right here tellin' me 'bout you an' Lori arguin' for the hundredth time."

Shane didn't hide his anger. In his mind, he had a right to be defensive. Who was Rick to judge anyway? Especially when things weren't always peaches-and-cream in his marriage. Sure, Shane slept around, but those women could tell him "No" and he'd go onto the next one. He never forced sex on any woman and it wasn't like he was sleeping around with Lori…

Rick sighed, resigned to the fact that he would never be able impact Shane's love life (or lack thereof) in a way that was positive and meaningful. "I'm jus' sayin', Shane…" He shook his head.

"Sayin' what?" Shane glared at Rick now.

Rick looked away, embarrassed that he had brought up his married life and Shane's promiscuity, and how his words may've been misinterpreted as painting Shane's behavior as a problem. It was obvious to Rick that Shane saw no wrong in having multiple female partners and never settling down to have a stable fulfilling relationship. He didn't intend to shame his brother and best friend. He just wanted Shane to know the joy of sharing in a relationship—of being with someone who had your back, no matter how bad things got. Of having both a lover _and_ a best friend. As much as Shane bragged about having more sex partners in one week than Rick had in his entire life, Rick knew he wasn't happy. None of these women—no matter how good the sex was as Shane claimed—were of any substance. They wouldn't be with Shane for the long haul. Rick sensed Shane's yearning to connect with a real woman, someone with both beauty and brains, strength of character—because whoever Shane ended up with had to be strong to accept him at his best and worst moments.

"I guess you done preachin', Reverend Rick?" Shane chuckled since he was the one who usually jokingly referred him to himself as "Reverend Shane".

Rick turned in Shane's direction now. He spoke his next words slowly and deliberately, hoping they would remain in Shane's mind, pierce his heart, and etch their meaning in his soul.

"When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything."

Shane nodded seriously at first and then a mocking smirk spread across his face. The way Rick said "something", "thing", and "everything"—the words always had a distinct _thang_ sound. He couldn't contain his hilarity anymore and busted out laughing.

Rick didn't get angry; he simply remained calm and resolved. "Not surprised that you'd laugh. One day, I hope you understand, Shane."

"Yep, an' I hope I get laid tonight."

Rick didn't respond as he turned on the police cruiser and pulled away from the sidewalk. Time to take a drive downtown and see what was going on there. He turned on the radio to ignore Shane's mocking laughter. He knew that although Shane laughed now, one day, he would remember his words…

**oOo**

_"_ _When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything."_

Rick's words were truer than Shane realized that day. So much had changed since then. Images of what had transpired after that time flashed through Shane's mind… Rick getting shot by escaped convicts when he and Shane pursued them. Society collapsing when the dead began to walk. Rushing Lori and Carl to safety. Having an affair with his best friend's wife. Rick showing up at Shane's camp. That moment when Rick looked at him as Lori and Carl hugged the now-found Grimes—Shane knew this was the beginning of the end—and the beginning and the end. The beginning of growing tension with Rick and the end of what he had with Lori. As time went on, Shane knew it would be best if he left the group, but the most surprising thing was finding out he wasn't alone…

Andrea was the other loner in the group.

Shane eventually formed a steady friendship with Andrea that proved to be more give-and-take than what he had with Lori. Shane gave Andrea shooting lessons, and in turn, Andrea was honest with him. She was the only one in the group who sought him out and showed him understanding—especially when it came to eliminating threats like Randall. Shane had wondered what would happen if they left the farm together—since Andrea made it known in the cemetery that she'd want to go with him if he ever left the group. Wondering about it aloud prompted Andrea to challenge him to back up his word: leave Rick's group forever and never look back. Andrea was right, although Shane didn't openly admit it at the time. There was nothing tying him there anymore. Well, there was his unborn baby, but both Rick and Lori said the baby was Rick's—and that Shane would never be part of his young one's life. So now, he could cut all ties with his past life and start a new one with Andrea as they began their journey to Maryland.

At first, Shane had kept Andrea at a distance, but after going through hell when running into other survivors—Morales, The Governor, the Claimers—he finally opened his heart to the possibility of having a relationship with her. A shared love and mutual friendship had formed—they enjoyed spending time together and they knew each other well—strengths and weaknesses. Andrea and Shane had seen the best and worst in each other time and still wanted to stand by each other's side. A solid relationship had developed between them.

Presently, Shane was sitting up in bed, his back against the bedrest—he was in the bedroom of the house he and Andrea had found four days ago. It wasn't too long after losing the Hyundai and supplies after running into Joe and Claimers that they had made the discovery. They had finally settled down. There were supplies in the home to last for some time, he had burned the family of corpses that he found in the basement, and he was thinking of how he could make their new home secure. But it wasn't lack of supplies or worries about security that kept Shane awake after two in the morning… After a restless night, Andrea had finally fallen asleep a half hour ago. She had twisted and turned in bed, broke out in a cold sweat and coughed constantly. Now she was sleeping soundly and Shane thought it was best to stay awake in case she needed anything—a cup of hot tea, cool compress, Tylenol...She had been sick before they found the house. Whatever made her ill wasn’t showing signs of letting up. 

_You were right, brother,_ Shane thought as he watched Andrea sleep on her side. _Lovin' the person who loves you back is everything._ And this time, Shane didn't laugh when he thought about how Rick's Southern accent came out when he enunciated the word "everything". Instead, he thought about his brother's wisdom—because Rick knew what he was talking about—and he considered how shallow his "love life" had been until he met Andrea. It was more accurate to call it his "lust life", since prior to forming a bond with Andrea, Shane had made everything be about himself, how much pleasure he could get from countless bed partners.

None of that compared to what he had with Andrea. With Andrea, he had found someone who he could confide his darkest secrets. He had someone who loved him enough to be honest with him and call him out when he was right—and when he was wrong. And he had someone who promised to always be there. Rick had wanted Shane to find his peace and he had—with the woman he least expected to find it with. Shane was glad he remembered this particular conversation with Rick. He knew Rick would be shocked—and definitely happy—to see how far he had grown in his relationship with Andrea.

Just then, Andrea stirred. She turned over and her eyes blinked open. Squinting, she tried to focus on Shane. She opened her mouth to talk and started coughing. Shane wasted no time in gently lifting Andrea upwards and situating her so that she laid her head on his lap and then went right back to sleep. Shane sighed as he held her close to him. He never imagined he'd stay up all night to watch the woman he loved, but knew he'd always be grateful that he had learned what it meant to live out Rick's words.


	35. Love is Worth the Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea finds a powerful quote about love and tells Shane how it applies to their relationship.

_Love Quote #35 -_ _"Love is, in fact, everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”_

**Love is Worth the Risk**

Shane lay on the king size bed, relaxing. He had just finished his daily morning workout in their recreation room. The high-rise he and Andrea had found—the Anchorage Tower—had been the best find. Currently, they were living on the fifth floor and once or twice a week, they would explore the floors and unit above them. Right now, they had settled into their unit. The four bedroom suite was more than enough space for them, where they could spend time together, and time apart for themselves if needed. Andrea walked in carrying a book and joined him on the bed. Shane glanced at the cover: _Famous Love Quotes._

"You're all in that book again, Drea?" Shane tried not to let the smirk enter his voice. He closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

Andrea plopped down on the bed besides him. "Yep, and I found the perfect quote about love."

"No shit."

Andrea threw him an annoyed look. "Honestly, Shane, can you humor me for once? And pay attention—I know you're not sleeping."

He shrugged. "Of course, darlin'—I'll humor you an' make sure I get no shut-eye."

"I'm serious."

Shane chuckled when he heard the insistent note in her voice. "Alright, what's the quote?"

Andrea stared at him for some time before responding. She remembered how she had found the book. Several weeks before finding the high-rise, they had ran into a used bookstore to avoid a herd of walkers. During that time, Shane had guarded the door while Andrea scoped out the place. When they were certain the herd was gone, they escaped from the bookstore—and Andrea left with the book in her possession.

_"_ _Love is in fact, everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for—"_

"Ain't that sweet as apple pie?"

"I wasn't finished," Andrea said. _"And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."_ She folded the page where she had found the quote and then turned to Shane, who was sitting up with his back against the headboard, much to her surprise. "What do you think?"

"It's damn true an' it's what we've been through ever since we left the farm."

"We fought a lot in the beginning—always arguing about everything."

"We did," Shane agreed. "But later on, you fought for me in Woodbury."

Andrea remembered turning the tables on The Governor and his manipulative games. Even after escaping Woodbury, they were brave in the face of the Claimers and the walker herd. They risked everything when they joined the Saviors—it occurred to Andrea to voice aloud what she was really feeling and thinking.

"We risked it all when we left the group to be on our own. I mean, imagine what life would've been like if we never chanced it. If we never took the risk. We might not even be alive right now—we might be dead."

She looked down at the page she had folded over. It marked where she found the quote. Andrea then turned to Shane who shrugged nonchalantly. Even with his distant demeanor, Andrea knew Shane enough to know that sometimes he presented as aloof, although he was very emotional in the sense that his feelings ran hot or cold. Shane was never lukewarm about anything. Although his gruff demeanor was challenging to deal with in the beginning, she had learned to go toe-to-toe with him. She didn't back down, she'd hold her ground, and Shane respected her more for it.

"I fought for you too, Drea—I know I pushed you away at first."

A wry smile flashed across Andrea's face. "You have a very interesting way of showing you care."

Shane grinned. "Damn right, I do! But to go back to what you said 'bout not takin' risks…" He straightened up against the headboard, and his jovial expression faded. "I woulda still been stuck on Lori…" He paused as he thought about it further. "I woulda tried to kill off Rick an' end up dead—get what I deserve for turnin' on my best friend. This talk sounds familiar."

"It's because we talked about what might've been, after we escaped Negan. What our lives might've been like if we stayed on the farm—if we would've even lived." Andrea curled up next to Shane on the bed.

Shane's serious expression never changed, even as Andrea cozied up next to him. "I try not to think 'bout that too much, Drea…or rather, I focus on the opposite 'cause it's what we have an' I wouldn't give it up for anythin'."

Andrea was silent as she reviewed in her mind what Shane just said. "We risked our lives to find ourselves and share what we have now."

"An' I wouldn't have it any other way, Drea."


End file.
